I have no control over how things will play out. I can not control how people feel.
I can control how I react to the things people say and do.
My friend Gina Kelly is awesome. We call each other "love twin" because we always have the exact same things going on in our love lives. She always has the perspective I need to hear, even if it sucks.
I've been cranky the past two days, but I'm ok now. I'm making a conscious effort to let things play out the way they need to play out. Stressing or being sad/mad won't change a thing... it'll just ruin my day.
So, I'm going to do laundry, clean up the house, and prepare to spend a week with my little cousins while my aunt and uncle go to the Bahamas! ahh!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
*le sigh*
I love my friends. really. <3
At the end of the day I want to be respected. It's as simple as that.
I want someone around who I trust when I'm not with them as much as I trust them when we're together.
I don't want doubts.
As far as the entire world is concerned, I don't exist in your life.
At the end of the day I want to be respected. It's as simple as that.
I want someone around who I trust when I'm not with them as much as I trust them when we're together.
I don't want doubts.
As far as the entire world is concerned, I don't exist in your life.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
bloggy!
It's been a few days. I haven't had anything exciting to write about. Meh.
I believe sometimes the universe/higher power/perceptive people know exactly what someone needs.
It seems like whenever I'm feeling low or ambivalent about things/life someone restores not only my faith in humanity, but my faith in myself.
I had a weird day. Not bad. Not great. Just kind of blah. Then tonight someone I think is great called me and told me good things. She totally boosted my morale. Things are ok. :-)
I'm still happy.... just had a blah moment.
I believe sometimes the universe/higher power/perceptive people know exactly what someone needs.
It seems like whenever I'm feeling low or ambivalent about things/life someone restores not only my faith in humanity, but my faith in myself.
I had a weird day. Not bad. Not great. Just kind of blah. Then tonight someone I think is great called me and told me good things. She totally boosted my morale. Things are ok. :-)
I'm still happy.... just had a blah moment.
Friday, April 10, 2009
youch
If you are the Liar or the Lie-ee coming to terms with the truth is the hardest part...Sometimes, when it's the most important time to tell the truth is when it hurts the most.
A friend of a friend wrote this and I love it:
Lie all you want about how your fucking day is, or your ice cream preference- but when you tell someone their teeth are turning yellow, or that their boyfriend is a tool bag, you're really gonna cut deep. When you tell someone the way they're living their present is affecting their future, in a negative way, they aren't going to listen to you with open ears.
Teeth being yellow isn't subjective, it just is- and being colorblind is a disease. Rihanna getting back with Chris Brown isn't subjective, it's just stupid. Global warming isn't deciding whether you prefer wine or beer- it just IS. But isn't denial so much easier??? Is it easier to see the smaller picture.....
...is it?
Is avoiding the truth really going to hurt less? Sure, facing the facts right NOW is sort of like wiggling that tricky tooth that's hanging by it's last thread and hoping that it stays there, because the actual PULL of it breaking is going to make you want to vomit- the open fleshy wound is going to remind you that YES, the tooth is GONE. So, it's easier to play with the tooth with your tongue until you decide to bite into a burger and the tooth comes out.....all bloody and unwelcome, inappropriate and meal-ruining, looks like you're going hungry today.
Is it better to pull or wait?
I've done both- I've tied the string to the doorknob and then backed out the second it was about to slam- both literally and hypothetically.
Sometimes the pain is literal. When it hurts the worst, it usual is. It's the kind that makes you fall to your knees and instinctively grab your stomach ready for every piece of your vital organs to just projectile straight out of your mouth. The kind that hurts the worst, is the kind that was so toxic to your state of being that you MUST get it out to feel better. It's the elephant in the room, the "she's so blind", the "if only she knew....." or the "get your head out of the clouds." It's the stain.
No one wants to be told that they're going to get themselves into MORE trouble by ignoring the facts. No one wants to be be told, "just work fucking harder." Or, "turn your pipe dreams down a few damn notches so you can hear what's really going on." No one wants to be told, "you just don't cut it for me. All that you've done was appreciated, but it still isn't enough. You putting your heart on your sleeve was really in vain because this entire time I just wasn't feeling it" And often, the reason they don't want to hear it, is because their subconscious is already busy dropping hints in the form of small road blocks in the pathway of their denial....but when the truth hurts the most, you're even more likely to try and figure out how to climb the fucking mountain before you acknowledge that it's Mount Everest, and you aren't wearing a Northface jacket and you've got Converse sneakers on.....right- good luck.
When the truth is hard to tell, it's most often to the people you love the most, otherwise, you simply wouldn't give a shit. So what if they're hurt, NEXT.
Truth is one of the things that in hindsight, after the lesson's learned, it seems to easy. Choosing to ignore truth only helps on the surface....choosing to "deal with it another day" or choosing to put off the fact that YES, you DO have to pay that bill- and NO, they won't wave the late fee- the longer you wait, isn't going to make it go away.
He won't get better if he isn't already GREAT NOW. Just one more cookie IS going to affect your muffin top, stop acting like it isn't. Not telling someone what they need to hear isn't going to make you feel ANY different about it, and it isn't going to make their situation easier by you being silent. Silence of words doesn't create silence in truth.
The things that we need to experience don't always feel like a trip to the spa. Truth, can sometimes feel like Helga's Swedish massage with two fists and elbows....but, when the bruises are gone- the knots are smooth, you'll stand up so much straighter.
A friend of a friend wrote this and I love it:
Lie all you want about how your fucking day is, or your ice cream preference- but when you tell someone their teeth are turning yellow, or that their boyfriend is a tool bag, you're really gonna cut deep. When you tell someone the way they're living their present is affecting their future, in a negative way, they aren't going to listen to you with open ears.
Teeth being yellow isn't subjective, it just is- and being colorblind is a disease. Rihanna getting back with Chris Brown isn't subjective, it's just stupid. Global warming isn't deciding whether you prefer wine or beer- it just IS. But isn't denial so much easier??? Is it easier to see the smaller picture.....
...is it?
Is avoiding the truth really going to hurt less? Sure, facing the facts right NOW is sort of like wiggling that tricky tooth that's hanging by it's last thread and hoping that it stays there, because the actual PULL of it breaking is going to make you want to vomit- the open fleshy wound is going to remind you that YES, the tooth is GONE. So, it's easier to play with the tooth with your tongue until you decide to bite into a burger and the tooth comes out.....all bloody and unwelcome, inappropriate and meal-ruining, looks like you're going hungry today.
Is it better to pull or wait?
I've done both- I've tied the string to the doorknob and then backed out the second it was about to slam- both literally and hypothetically.
Sometimes the pain is literal. When it hurts the worst, it usual is. It's the kind that makes you fall to your knees and instinctively grab your stomach ready for every piece of your vital organs to just projectile straight out of your mouth. The kind that hurts the worst, is the kind that was so toxic to your state of being that you MUST get it out to feel better. It's the elephant in the room, the "she's so blind", the "if only she knew....." or the "get your head out of the clouds." It's the stain.
No one wants to be told that they're going to get themselves into MORE trouble by ignoring the facts. No one wants to be be told, "just work fucking harder." Or, "turn your pipe dreams down a few damn notches so you can hear what's really going on." No one wants to be told, "you just don't cut it for me. All that you've done was appreciated, but it still isn't enough. You putting your heart on your sleeve was really in vain because this entire time I just wasn't feeling it" And often, the reason they don't want to hear it, is because their subconscious is already busy dropping hints in the form of small road blocks in the pathway of their denial....but when the truth hurts the most, you're even more likely to try and figure out how to climb the fucking mountain before you acknowledge that it's Mount Everest, and you aren't wearing a Northface jacket and you've got Converse sneakers on.....right- good luck.
When the truth is hard to tell, it's most often to the people you love the most, otherwise, you simply wouldn't give a shit. So what if they're hurt, NEXT.
Truth is one of the things that in hindsight, after the lesson's learned, it seems to easy. Choosing to ignore truth only helps on the surface....choosing to "deal with it another day" or choosing to put off the fact that YES, you DO have to pay that bill- and NO, they won't wave the late fee- the longer you wait, isn't going to make it go away.
He won't get better if he isn't already GREAT NOW. Just one more cookie IS going to affect your muffin top, stop acting like it isn't. Not telling someone what they need to hear isn't going to make you feel ANY different about it, and it isn't going to make their situation easier by you being silent. Silence of words doesn't create silence in truth.
The things that we need to experience don't always feel like a trip to the spa. Truth, can sometimes feel like Helga's Swedish massage with two fists and elbows....but, when the bruises are gone- the knots are smooth, you'll stand up so much straighter.
there are so many things I need to learn
I've been making a conscious effort to take a step back, breathe in, breathe out.... and roll with the punches.
I really need to learn to just let things happen. Trying to control the outcome of things, or change the minds of people... well, it's exhausting. At first I thought I was so concerned with the outcomes of events because I just wanted things to go my way, but that's not it. I simply want to know what's going to happen, be it good or bad. Suspense kills me. I'll wait for a TV series to come out on DVD so I can watch the entire season, I don't want to be left in suspense every single week as to what will happen next. It's not comfortable for me.
People don't seem to understand this mentality. When I tell people I just want an answer about something, they tend to think I want them to answer in a way that pleases me, but that's not it at all. I can handle disappointment, shock, or grief much easier than... just nothing. Maybe this is because I'm a planner. How can I make a solid plan if things can change at a moments notice? Sometimes I enjoy flying by the seat of my pants..... like last minute road trips, midnight scavenger hunts, friends showing up at my house saying "throw on some shoes and jump in the car!"..... these things are fun. When it comes to housing, relationships, jobs, and family functions..... I need a heads up!
I really need to learn to just let things happen. Trying to control the outcome of things, or change the minds of people... well, it's exhausting. At first I thought I was so concerned with the outcomes of events because I just wanted things to go my way, but that's not it. I simply want to know what's going to happen, be it good or bad. Suspense kills me. I'll wait for a TV series to come out on DVD so I can watch the entire season, I don't want to be left in suspense every single week as to what will happen next. It's not comfortable for me.
People don't seem to understand this mentality. When I tell people I just want an answer about something, they tend to think I want them to answer in a way that pleases me, but that's not it at all. I can handle disappointment, shock, or grief much easier than... just nothing. Maybe this is because I'm a planner. How can I make a solid plan if things can change at a moments notice? Sometimes I enjoy flying by the seat of my pants..... like last minute road trips, midnight scavenger hunts, friends showing up at my house saying "throw on some shoes and jump in the car!"..... these things are fun. When it comes to housing, relationships, jobs, and family functions..... I need a heads up!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
love=economics
I studied quite a bit of economics early in my college career and it never ceased to amaze me how easily the principals of economics can be applied to love. We all have our exchange rate. We all have value. We all have our own currency. Now, if only it were easy to apply the equations that are so readily available in economics to love. There would be a lot less heartbreak, and a lot more nerds understanding the fairer gender.
So, are the exchange rates in love more flexible than economics? Can we look past things that would normally decline value if the end result is a gain? We all have baggage. No one escapes childhood or past relationships completely unscathed. I feel like baggage is more easily tolerated if the person has a lot of other great qualities. You have to redeem yourself somehow, ya know? Inflation rates are soaring!
Now if we are talking about exchange rates we must cover currency risk management(heartache). Each subject (mate) has a relevant type of risk management when considered in the context of exchange rate exposure. These risks become relevant when compared as performance measures(outcomes). A good economist(boyfriend/girlfriend) would implement specific currency risk management policies (standards). I think we can all agree there would be favorable impact on the currency with positive currency exposure and fund (relationship) performance. A better performance in the relationship would lead to inflation.... and room for error. So while it's important to keep your exchange rate high (no one wants to have a cheaper rate) it is also important to maintain positive exposure.
Lastly, I was always intrigued by studies that focused solely on volatility (which is often viewed as a negative since it represents uncertainty and risk) and just assumes it will be unaffected by other endogenous (supply and demand) variables. What bothers me is that it implies that the effect of trade on volatility is assumed inexistent rather than
jointly estimated with the effect of volatility on trade (all of these factors can be extremely volatile!). Basically all the studies we looked at in school agreed that shows a strong positive relationship between real time exchange rate volatility and distance between trading partners(lovers). Since distance has been proven not to be affected by volatility, this strong relationship suggests that greater distance between countries(again, lovers) increases the exchange rate volatility through the effect of distance on the *intensity* of relationships in trade. This sample proves that in fact, distance does make the heart grow fonder. Distance does not directly affect exchange rates... in love.
So, are the exchange rates in love more flexible than economics? Can we look past things that would normally decline value if the end result is a gain? We all have baggage. No one escapes childhood or past relationships completely unscathed. I feel like baggage is more easily tolerated if the person has a lot of other great qualities. You have to redeem yourself somehow, ya know? Inflation rates are soaring!
Now if we are talking about exchange rates we must cover currency risk management(heartache). Each subject (mate) has a relevant type of risk management when considered in the context of exchange rate exposure. These risks become relevant when compared as performance measures(outcomes). A good economist(boyfriend/girlfriend) would implement specific currency risk management policies (standards). I think we can all agree there would be favorable impact on the currency with positive currency exposure and fund (relationship) performance. A better performance in the relationship would lead to inflation.... and room for error. So while it's important to keep your exchange rate high (no one wants to have a cheaper rate) it is also important to maintain positive exposure.
Lastly, I was always intrigued by studies that focused solely on volatility (which is often viewed as a negative since it represents uncertainty and risk) and just assumes it will be unaffected by other endogenous (supply and demand) variables. What bothers me is that it implies that the effect of trade on volatility is assumed inexistent rather than
jointly estimated with the effect of volatility on trade (all of these factors can be extremely volatile!). Basically all the studies we looked at in school agreed that shows a strong positive relationship between real time exchange rate volatility and distance between trading partners(lovers). Since distance has been proven not to be affected by volatility, this strong relationship suggests that greater distance between countries(again, lovers) increases the exchange rate volatility through the effect of distance on the *intensity* of relationships in trade. This sample proves that in fact, distance does make the heart grow fonder. Distance does not directly affect exchange rates... in love.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
calm... before no storm!
I was shopping at the Biltmore today when my phone rang. I sat down under a tree and took the call. After I hung up I sat there for a moment, looking around... realizing the calm I had been feeling in my life lately has returned. It was a perfect moment. Life is good.
philosophy: to know peace is to know God. within the context of peace, we can know joy, love and happiness. in the absence of peace, we own nothing but the turmoil of our minds that jump from one negative thought to the next. to find peace, you must shut off your mind and open your heart to the only thing that matters, the gift of the present moment, peace personified.
philosophy: to know peace is to know God. within the context of peace, we can know joy, love and happiness. in the absence of peace, we own nothing but the turmoil of our minds that jump from one negative thought to the next. to find peace, you must shut off your mind and open your heart to the only thing that matters, the gift of the present moment, peace personified.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
....
I feel like I'm waiting. Everything is in a suspended state..... and when I hit "play" they could go either way.
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