Merry Christmas!

Finally.... a quiet moment alone! I wanted to take a quick second before round 2 of my family crazy Christmas show to just say how thankful I am for my family and friends. This was certainly an interesting year, but it's down to the last 7 days and I can happily say I wouldn't change a second of it. I've grown so much as a person this year, and I'm heading into 2011 with a much clearer picture of where I came from starting the year and where I want to end up in the upcoming year (and years). I also want to give a little shout out to my new squeeze..... who has helped me realize in the short time he has been back in my life that just because hearts get broken doesn't mean they can't be fixed < 3 And one more shout out to my grams, who probably wont read this, but made Christmas extra special for me this year! xoxo

i love winter in AZ

life is sofa king good. that is all.

movin' on up...

Finally all moved in to the new place. Gas is on, power is on, cat is settled. I've been on the prowl for some sweet vintage furniture. My neighbors kitty is my kitties new best friend... its pretty freakin cute.

that's all for now. Looking forward to thanksgiving since I missed it last year!! May go visit with my ex's family in cali over the weekend.... haven't really made up my mind. It's kinda cold for a cali trip. I turned my heat on today. Burr.

Buh byes for now

confuzzled

I've got a case of the confuseds. And the crankys.

We had an East Coast style clam bake on Saturday. It was freakin awesome. Over 100 pounds of seafood. Clams, crabs, shrimp, lobster, mussels, and some brats! We had like 50-60 people there and everyone was stuffed and happy. I baked white russian and my infamous maple bacon cupcakes. We are officially making it a yearly tradition. The only gloomy part of the night was the fact one of my best friends is now dating a dude that could be my ex's doppleganger. I know a lot of people lump guys with beards and long hair into the "mountain man" group, but really... it's uncanny. He asked why I was giving him stink eye.... I was honest and he didn't really know what to say about that. I'm hoping I either get over seeing one of my best friends makeout with a dude that looks like my ex, or that it doesn't work out so I don't have to get creeped out anymore.

So sunday morning was odd in it's own way. I started out the morning thrifting with a friend... it may be my new favorite activity. I scored a few rad things for my new place (signed my lease!!!) and even found this vintage couch I may have to go buy. But before my day could really even get going my euphoria of spending time with a good friend was ruined by yet another ex. This time it's the ex I recently became friends/cooking buddies with again. The whole debacle erupted into a screaming match, and I don't think we are going to be friends anymore. Apparently his crazy doesn't hide as well when he mixes alcohol and pent up emotions. I told him we can give it another go in 2 more years and see if he can not be an ass then. We'll see.... my guess is NO!!

I decided at that point to round out by theme by meeting up with yet another ex! This one is from about 9 years ago and was my first serious boyfriend in college. We have remained close friends all this time. He has watched me grow up over the years and our relationship is probably the weirdest/most comfortable/saddest relationship of all. He took me out for a celebratory drink for signing my lease... which lead to bar hopping, appetizers at one place, dinner at another, dessert at another, more drinks somewhere else, and meeting up with a bunch of his friends I knew from way back. That turned into fire side and pinball dance party at a friends house which then turned into me waking up awful far from home on a work day. I forgot how much I enjoy these people and this side of my life I don't always acknowledge. Those of you who have known me since before college probably remember the phase in my life when I dated him. The time where I struggled between my bohemian artsy side and my scottsdale swanky side. While I can identify with both worlds, I can't pick a side. I felt exactly the same way last night. Riding around in my ex's new mercedes, drinking $14 martinis, heading back to multi-million dollar homes in Paradise Valley...... it all felt too comfortable again. As much as I fight being like my dad, money talks to me the same way it does to him. All the while I can still remain the person that makes fun of douche bags drinking $14 martinis. Maybe I'm just the type of girl who can be more than one person..... maybe one side of me isn't more "real" or "true" than the other. Maybe it's the gemini in me. Maybe I'm 26 and still don't have a firm grasp on who I'm going to be when I "grow up." All I know is it felt awful nice to snuggle up under a big blanket on the sofa and feed each other wine and cheese. The sort of intimacy we have only comes from a decade of friendship and love. sigh.

He invited me to Cali for Thanksgiving with the family. Thankfully I am moving next weekend, so it was an easy out. I need to clear my head and decide if I want to open the door to that side of my life again. It was awful nice catching up with people I hadn't seen in years...... but with that life comes a whole slue of issues I'd long forgotten. Maybe we will finally stop joking about ending up together and finally do it. Until then, my poor little head is a confused and a little damaged.

meow meow meow meowwww

My cat is a spaz.... just putting that out there. I haven't been home much for the last few weeks so when I walk in the door he is all over me like white on rice. We are playing a fun game of fetch with his favorite stuffed toy right now. So cute! I'm thinking about getting another kitty.... not because I really want one but because I've been working 60 hours a week and only sleeping at my own place 4-5 nights a week. He really needs the company once I move. Him and my roomie's cat have become best buddies, and I'm afraid he will be sad after the move. Luckily Aaron (new awesome next door neighbor) just got an adorable kitten a few weeks ago so we are going to take turns having playdates. If that's not enough it's back to the kitten stage with a new addition to our family! I forgot how annoying kittens are until I'm around Aarons. My cat has WAY mellowed out, even if he is still a spaz.

Oh yeah, I'm a mommy now. My friend Meleah had two ADORABLE babies (see above) and I'm the honorary second-mommy now that daddy moved out haha. We decided to raise them with a "my two moms" thing going on. I had apparently forgotten how much work babies are (worse than the kittens mentioned above!).... especially at 6am after we drink too much wine <3

Other than playing hard on weekends and working hard all week not much is new in my life. Just buckling down and preparing for the move. I never realized how much responsibility having your own place is. I'm having to deal with utilities and moving and shopping and decorating and security all on my own. It's a lot of work, but I can't wait to see how it all turns out. Hopefully my crappy pseudo boyfriend takes a day off work to help me move..... otherwise my crappy ex boyfriend will be helping. Neither option seems that fun.... why can't I have family members with trucks?!

Seems as if my blog traffic has slowed down quite a bit.... I either need to be more interesting or post some half-naked pics of me and my ladies! ;-)

Curse.... BROKEN!

breaking the curse of bad halloweens....

phase 1 of Halloween weekend is over. Thank goodness. I'm trying to make this year awesome to make up for the last SIX bad halloweens I've had. So far so good...... gonna post pics of phase 1 and then phase 2 will come later.

And maybe a photo or two from the fashion show last weekend. And our sparkler pumpkin carving BBQ.


Is it bad I'm too lazy to post real blog entries lately? I feel too tired after work, too tired after partying on weekends, and too unmotivated to have creative thoughts. I do have a few blog topics floating around in my head from a while back, so I'm going to make a real effort to blog about them! Maybe from work if I ever get a quiet moment.

mister pee pee pants

This weekend was all about haunted houses, fashion shows, riding in hot rods, fun dates, carving pumpkins, drinking PBR in Paranormal Activity 2, flying helicopters, kittens, haircuts, BBQing, and kisses.

my life is like a chick flick?

I'm so smitten I can't see straight. I'm still unsure if it will solidify into something real, but I'm basking in the glow of it anyway. It's 5 years in the making, and will either be "the one" or end horribly, but I don't care.... sometimes you gotta risk big to win big. But.... is it worth all the emotional gambling (and gambling with mutual friendships) when there is one fatal flaw? While I was in Korea he promised to take me on our first "real" date if we were both single when I got back.... and for the first time since we met 5 years ago we are both single. Little did I know our first date would last 72 hours (God bless 3 day weekends) and leave me feeling so..... excited and anxious. I can't post about it on FB because we've decided some of our mutual friends don't need to know yet.... gossipy MFers! Sooo those of you who follow me in FB as well, don't say anything! If I end up with the dude I wanted to end up with years ago my life will officially be a chick flick.

Here are a few pics from my best weekend back in AZ yet! We decided it was a "staycation" since I didn't get back home for 3 days haha. It was full of concerts, patio cocktails, BBQs, bar openings, hot rods, brother husbands, sister wives, and my BEST friends <3


me and kate with our homie Jay Bird....


we were on a boat!

Hooray boobies!!

the whole gang at Teakwoods to see a show

kate and deisy... we cooked up a giant feast for the boys!

Tour de Fat

Another amazing year at Tour de Fat. I was super bummed that this event was the same day as my brothers wedding last year.... so even though I was in town I still missed it! Butttt I made up for it and drank an extra beer and peddled my bike extra hard, haha. The ride was good, I think the news said there were about 10k bikes this year. The party seemed more tame than years past, but I was busy catching up with my friends so I didn't care. After we got sweaty standing around in the sun for hours, we went to Casey Moores for some refreshments. Caseys then led to going to Sail Inn to see Rev Peyton and the Big Damn Band. SOOO good. They never disappoint. I was sunburned and exhausted by the end of the day (and then had to help Becca move today!) but it was a weekend well done. I'm sore and happy.... thats how all the best weekends end.

And I'm sure you'll all think I'm a crazy girl for saying this after all the bitching I've done.... but going to Sail Inn made me miss my ex. That's where we met. I'm sure it'll pass.... but a mixture of that and gathering up pictures from our travels to send him just made me nostalgic. I ran into some girls this weekend I haven't seen in a while and they asked me about him. Everyone says how much better off I am without him and they are happy I'm "getting back out there".... but I still wonder if it's true I guess. I smile and nod, but the tiniest part of my heart still doesn't want to let it all go. Some wounds can only be healed by time. A broken heart is unfortunately one of those wounds. But, each passing week I'll think of him less, miss him less, and look toward the future more. I'm young.... the guy I'm waiting for is still out there.... even though I thought I had already found him.


And now... some pictures from the weekend. Maybe a video, too.

new meaning to sunshine...

So, I was posting the lyrics to "You are my sunshine" on my friends facebook. I had a feeling there was another verse, so I googled it. This is what I came up with:

I'll always love you
And make you happy
If you will only say the same
But if you leave me
To love another
You'll regret it all some day;

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

You told me once, dear
You really loved me
And no one else could come between
But now you've left me
And love another
You have shattered all my dreams.

Gives the song a whole new meaning, eh??
Crazy town.




We went to the asian market yesterday. Korean food is a goal for this week.

I also bought a tiny hat. Look forward to those pics.

A moment in time...

It's been a while since I put pics up.... so here are a few from the past month or so! These are from: Tortoise rescue, Cali trip, Space Age Cafe, Dive bar hopping, golfing, and Oktoberfest!

building a new universe

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.


I'm going to write a book one day.... it's going to be called "How to Build a Universe That Doesn't Fall Apart Two Days Later"

look for it at a Barnes and Noble near you... in, oh..... 6 years! :-)


I can't believe how unbelievably well my life is going right now. I may have found a job/career that I will be able to stay at long enough to get my masters (and hopefully baking school) and still be happy. Every job has its rough days, but from what all my new work friends say, the bad days are far fewer than the good. I can dig it.
I'm partnered up with this totally awesome guy, we hit it off right away and he is making work a very funny and interesting place to be. Still waiting for my friend Jakey to come to my side of the building and introduce me to his homies I work with now. Is it bad I'm REALLY hoping one of them is the super cute tattooed guy that rides in on an awesome motorcycle?! I'm pretty happy everyone dates each other, haha. I may take advantage.

This past sunday I went to California and back. Why would I do such a crazy thing?! We did a tortoise rescue!! It was a fun road trip for a good cause! I took some pics at the Space Age Cafe.... I need to upload them.

Well, time to go read a comic book my ex got me today. Watchmen or Scott Pilgrim?!? I may flip a coin, or start them both!

I'm slowly but surely becoming a nerd. It's fun. Nerdz rule.

ouch.

I drank for the first time in a couple months last night. Holy smokes I remember why I stopped drinking. It wasn't the 4 cocktails at the bar that did me in.... it was the bottle of wine in the pool at 4am. What was I thinking?!

Other than the hangover I'm nursing today, I feel amazing. I hung out with a friend last night who let me talk his ear off for hours. We've known each other socially for years, but we've never hung out alone. I got to vent about heartbreak, I got to tell fun travel stories, we got to trade most exciting/scary moments. It was so nice to just talk to someone and everything is new and fun, but not the awkwardness of just meeting someone. He totally gets my dreams and goals. When someone you admire gets what you're trying to do with your wife and thinks its awesome... thats a good feeling. Like I'm on the right track. I didn't need him to validate what my goals are, but its still nice to know people think they're awesome. It feels good for someone who is "cool" to think I'm interesting and artsy and worldly. He also took me on my first trolley ride, it may have been the highlight of my night.

I also took a huge step forward in another aspect of my life, unrelated to work and future plans. I don't want to get into any details, but I took a leap I had been needing to take and feel much better about moving forward with love. I feel like a million bucks.... all that angst leading up to an event, all for nothing!

Well, I suppose thats all thats going on in my world today. I didn't get home til 8am, so I don't plan on leaving my bed today. True Blood marathon... wooo wooo!

And in honor of Talk Like A Pirate Day.... here is my cousins kiddo talkin' like a pirate! It's SOOOO cute! Thanks for posting it, Daddygeekboy!

choices

Follow your heart or follow your head?

I may have found a way to do both. Some choices I've made over the past 5-6 months have opened up some BIG opportunities. I can't believe the shape my life is taking.... it's so.... promising.

There may be some certain sacrifices along the way, which I hope I can be adult enough to stick out. I'm not the best in staying in uncomfortable situations (i.e. Korea), but if there is a big enough pay out at the end I feel like I could suck it up. And the pay out would be HUGE if everything going on in my head comes to fruition.

I hate to be so vague, but until things are more concrete I don't want to gab about them on a public forum.

Let's just say not one, but TWO life goals could be accomplished within the next 3 years. Huge goals. Life changing stuff.


Send good thoughts my way. I'm going to be a busy girl figuring out the next steps in my life.

I still LOVE my new job.... the people make it such a nice place to be!


p.s. Hide your kids, Hide your wife

and hide your husband

Cuz they’re rapin errbody out here!

Jobby Job job

The new job is WAY better than I could have expected. I was SO nervous the first morning walking in, it was like the first day of school at a new high school. Turns out my training group is the biggest they've ever had.... there were like 50 of us! After all the HR presentations we took lunch then broke up to our own training groups for our different jobs. My training group has about 20... we are the biggest. Next week we will break down even further and I think about 10 of us will stay together. My trainers are awesome and funny.... the guy Andy is even tattooed and kinda rockabilly. I love how I can point out the "alternative" people in the building, even though we are all wearing business clothes. My group of trainees has become friends and we all spend our "study" time telling stories and bonding. I have become close with two girls around my same age. We will be doing happy hour ASAP! I've never quite had a work experience like this. I've never felt so professional. Even teaching, though it was a "professional" job, it wasn't fancy. I'm loving wearing pencil skirts, stilettos, and cute cardigans to work. It's been a fashion show 'round here! I also love having a security badge and "buzzing" into the building with it. I feel like such a grown up. It's funny the things that make you feel like a real adult.

So, other than the awesome new job, and the awesome new laptop AND desktop they gave me (now i have 3 laptops at the house!).... not a whole lot is new. Went sober dive-bar hopping this weekend. We made it to 8 bars and had a fan club before the night was over. A repeat of the night is planned for a week from Saturday. I'm not sure it can be as fun if we plan to have a bar hopping night from the start..... but we will try some new bars and see what we can find! I also finished the HCG shots this week. I lost 23 pounds in 24 days..... not bad, eh? I have to stay the same exact weight for 6 weeks, then I can lose some more. I think we are going to do another round of HCG in January. The date we can technically do it again falls during the holiday and I don't want to miss out of my grandma's holiday cooking 2 years in a row! I want to go back to Toronto in January to visit the farm and that sweet boy.... so I may make that my "reward" for finishing another round, or go early in the month and do another round when I get back. We'll see how it all unfolds!

Well, I think thats all for now. Everything is SO good. My work just changed the policy so I can start taking classes in 3 months instead of a year. So I've got 3 months to figure out what to do with the rest of my life! I need to find out if I can take classes at the ground campus (Art Institute)..... it would only be another bachelors degree, but if its in a specialized field thats all I should need. Or psychology.... can you see me being a child psychologist? Or a professor at some cool university? Or working in health care? I have so many options. Wish I saw a clear path... but it will be fun to find out where I am pulled!

And the beat goes on....

Life is pretty freakin' good right now. Home stretch before the new job starts on Monday. As much fun as I'm having not having to go to work, I'm ready!! It's making me a little nervous.... like being the new kid at school. Everyone seemed really fun and nice when I went for my interview, so hopefully I make some friends soon!

Went to Becca's lake house for the weekend. SO MUCH FUN. Plenty of kayaking, board games, BBQing, dock lounging, canoeing, and hang time. We went antiquing on Sunday and found some great stuff. I totally need to go back when I get my own place. I love old tacky stuff... it's awful! Also got to stop by my families cabin which is only 4 miles from Becca's. It was great just to hang out on the patio and chat with everyone.






Had my first *real* date since my last breakup.. The last step of moving forward is actually moving forward. It's time to get back out there! It was probably the best first date I've ever had. He LOVED the maple bacon cake I made for Amy. My friends liked him, he liked them. We had a drawing night at the bar. We had a blow dart competition (I beat all the boys again). We had our first awkward moment. Amy's friend Kelly met up with everyone and told us all she was a "medium".....like psychic. She then announced that she can "feel" our energy and my date and I send out "love" vibes and we belong together. She went on about how perfect we are for like 5 mins..... how AWKWARD! I just kind of looked at him with apologetic eyes. He played along, ahah. There is something that kind of bugged me about him.... but I'll probably hang out with him again. :-)




Lastly, Amy's boyfriend is finally growing on me. I wasn't sure how I felt about his hipster attitude, but he has been really sweet ever since he sprayed our entire house down with Axe body spray and all he said when we yelled at him was "I had to axe you a question!" So bratty! He figured out how to download torrents on my mac last night, which is awwwwwesome because I'm addicted to True Blood these days. He also took my new little netbook home and is making is RAD for me. I couldn't get a handle on linux... I'm just not that cool.

Heathen

May I please be the dagger of all that is true that pierces your heathen heart?

Rawr... I'm a dinosaur

I'm having a blah day. I was telling one of my best friends about feeling blah and she said I'm being fussy. So, apparently I'll whine to my blog instead of my friends. I don't know why I feel so blah (ok, I do... I'm lying), but I'm hoping going to a movie and hanging with one of my favorite girlfriends will remedy the situation. Things have been going really well, I want to keep moving in the right direction.

I'm really ready to start my job. As much as I love time off and vacations, I just need something in my life to keep me busy and goal oriented. I feel kind of lost sometimes when I don't have something to wake up for every day. I need to feel useful.

My good friend Becca finally closed on her house yesterday. This is good news for all of us. This house has 2 two bedroom apartments on the property and a nice big yard to share. My current roommate Amy and I have been offered these apartments. This is really good news. I would love to have my OWN place, but still have Amy next door if I get scared being home alone! We aren't 100% sure this will happen, it all depends on a few factors that should be worked out in the next few weeks. I'm content in my current living situation, so I'm fine either way. My current house is closer to my new job... so I won't complain if we stay here! The only problem with the current living situation is the kitty wars. It's like nam up in here.

wahhhhooooo!

I GOT THE JOB I REALLLLY WANTED! I start on Sept 13th. I'm SOOO stoked. Until then I get to focus on the diet, decorating, poolside, friends and the last of my summer fun! Life continues to be good. I feel like things are falling into a state of permanence.

So I've been doing a lot of mingling, learning, and geeking out this summer. I was hesitant to befriend the hipsters that have invaded our friend circle while I was gone.... but I actually really freakin like them!

New favorite style: hipsterbilly (Yeah, I just made a new type of style)
New favorite CD: Scott Pilgrim Soundtrack
New favorite food: celery soup
New favorite video game: Limbo
New favorite plaything: Jesse's kittens! Kittehs galore!
New favorite place to hang out: San Carlos Hotel for dance parties and adult swim

Here I thought my life would be the same when I got back here.

Any geeks out there (Daddygeekboy, I'm talking to you!) need to check out this clip if they haven't already played the game. Daddygeekboy was at comicon... so it's prob old news to him :-P

I'm in love with it. It's like Mario Brothers style platform, but I feel like Mark Ryden could have helped design it. I'm really hard to impress with video games... and I'm hooked!

Ex-boyfriends have a purpose

I never realized how therapeutic spending time with an ex could be. We discussed all kinds of unresolved issues and made peace. It was strangely freeing. Years had passed, and I had forgotten the anger I harbored towards him. I finally let it go, even though I was unaware how angry I really was all this time it still feels good.

I'm happy for him.... he is in therapy and really working on getting his shit straight. He described his daily life as feeling like he is a dog, trying to pull off being a human. Like, from a distance people can't tell things are amiss, but once they get close they realize he isn't a person after all, and everything is all wrong with him. I can safely agree with this. He is charming and funny and is into cool art and comics and movies.... but once you get close all the little things don't add up. I agree with him that he isn't like a normal person. I told him to try the "fake it 'til you make it" approach. If he fakes being like a normal person for long enough, maybe it will eventually become true. He wants a family, I hope he gets it... as long as he is mentally able to invest and be a good family member. He had no role models growing up, but I still think he knows right from wrong, and that along with some more therapy and he could end up being a good dad.

In turn he gave me some good advice in regards to some of my ex's and unresolved issues of my own. It's funny how someone I haven't spoken to in years can still take a stab at why I'm doing what I'm doing... and be totally right. Am I that predictable? I like to think I'm not the same person I was years ago. I think I've changed.... and this summer is testing that. It's been all to easy to get drunk, dance the night away, and get involved with guys that are horrible for me. I feel like I'm in a "honeymoon" phase with Arizona.... and once I get settled I will mellow out again.

In closing, Max Bratton passed away last night. I want to send my sincere condolences to his sister, and my best friend, Jessica Bratton. My thoughts and prayers are with his family at this time. May angels lead you in.

Jon hunting is boring

I'm finding little things to do, like update my blog, to avoid job hunting for a little while, haha. It's soooo boring! I've got an interview tomorrow and another Friday.... both are for good jobs, so maybe one will work out! My aunt had dangled a nice job in front of my face while I was still in Korea (part of the reason i left early) and their interview/hiring process is sooooo slow. It doesn't help that my resume was sent to the wrong department and I had to do some evaluations that didn't even apply to me, booo! Way to waste my time :-P

Other than being bored with the job hunt things are still amazzzzzing. My friends threw me a really awesome welcome home party on Saturday night. We went to a new bar (old bar, but new to me) and danced out butts off to some rockin' 80s music. Michael Jackson, Debbie Deb, Teaches of Peaches... YESSSS! A great time was had by all and I got to meet a couple new additions to our friend group. They seem awesome and I'm to be back with my special lady friends! I'll have to post some pics of the party when I'm on my own computer.

Sunday was pretty fun as well, just super busy of course! I went to a BBQ/Pool party at Rick's, which was nice because I missed the summer kick-off this year! I've just gotta say once again how much I love my friends.... it's great coming home to a group of people who really missed me and are making my first days back home so special. After the pool party Becca and I went back to my house to continue the party and have our Hoff roast viewing party. SOOOO funny.... I'm not always a fan of roasts, but this one was funny stuff. The boy I met last week was supposed to come over with the rest of the gang, but he went home early. I couldn't help but feel a little bummed, even though he never promised he'd come. I don't really want to date anyone until I get a job and I'm settled back in... but I just can't resist a big ole beard and shaggy hair. Not holding my breath, but it would be awfully convenient if I date Becca and Amy's boyfriends friend. We can have triple dates!

Speaking of boys.... the most evil of my seven evil ex's (ok, I've got more than that, but I'm obsessed with Scott Pilgrim these days) has been showing his ugly head almost daily since I got back. I went out of my way to not see him or speak to him in years because he has some weird power over me. I knew if I spoke to him, I'd be sucked into his evil web of lies and broken hearts. Well, Amy put me on the phone with him, and now he is coming over tomorrow night to paint my bedroom. He said he likes to feel useful these days..... and somehow I baked his favorite cupcakes today. GAHHHHH! I WILL BE STRONG AND RESIST BEING HIS FRIEND!!

I went and spent the day at the school I taught at yesterday. It was SO special to see the kiddos and my teacher friends. I had a blast, and it's evident they miss me as much as I missed them! A few of them are dropping hints to my old boss that they should find a position for me... doing something useful! I'm not holding my breath, but you never know what can happen in this crazy thing called life.

Ok, I've wasted enough time.... I better finish this up so I can figure out what to cook for dinner.