Which is worse.... falling in love with someone only to have it all fall apart?
Or meeting someone awesome and moving away before you can find out what would have happened if you had more time?
Leaving canada tomorrow. Totally bummed. This is the happiest I've been in a very long time. Canada is a good color on me. True happiness doesn't fall apart because the location changes. So I hope this high continues and it wasn't a false sense of happiness created by the people I've been spending time with and the places I've been.
Ill keep you all posted, of course.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Summers are for fun
You wanna know something cool? I can't remember a time I was this content with life. Everything just feels good in my life right now. I've reconnected with and made some amazing friends in Canada. I love where I live, I love this city, I love my weekends on the farm, I love everything about this summer. As you all know by now I broke up with my long term boyfriend about 6 weeks ago and expected some kind of big fall out in my life. You know when you're so used to sharing half of your space and life with a person... and then suddenly they aren't there... and you're not quite sure how to feel and what to do with yourself? Well, that didn't happen nearly as bad as I expected. I mean the initial shock of not having him around was weird to get used to.... until I changed how I wanted to feel about the situation. I'm happier than I've been in a while and I feel really optimistic about the future. Meeting someone (or someones haha) new kind of helps with that, too. <3 Butterflies.
I have pretty much decided I will be moving to Canada within a year. Hopefully much less than that though. I was going to stay here longer, but I've got some stuff to take care of back home... so I'm leaving here in 2... maybe 3 weeks. I'll spend time with my friends and family, have fun, enjoy life, and then *fingers crossed* pack it all up and start a new chapter of my life in Toronto. This city is absolutely the best place I've been in a long time. I can't think of anything bad to say about it, or the people.
While the plan is to move back here, I'm not going to put constraints on where the wind takes me until it's actually happening. It's the plan, but it's not set in stone. We'll see what happens.... ya know?? A guy I met a few weeks ago told me he believes I'm part gypsy. I believe him.
Well, I'm sunburned and exhausted from my weekend at the farm. Time to edit some photos and get ready for bed.
Love, Me
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Epiphany...
So after talking with some people today about dating now vs. 20 years ago I came to some conclusions. We all know dating has changed with the evolution of technology, but there are many different interpretations of what exactly this information age has does to us. My opinion: years ago people went on dates. The guy would call the girl, make plans, pick her up, and they'd spend an evening together. If he wanted to see her again he'd have to call her and make plans for the next date. After a few dates said couple would either become a couple or they'd move on. It was comparatively easier than the crap we have to deal with now. These days you've got facebook, texting and emailing all mixed into the dating game. I know people who solely ask others out via text. I definitely make many of my plans through text or facebook, but if it's important I will still call someone to firm things up. The texting to make plans makes things much more casual in my mind. It's not that personal touch and full attention people used to give each other.
So not only did we forget how nice the personal touch of a proper phone call is, but we don't go on as many real dates as we used to. These days going to a show as a group, meeting up a bar, or even watching a movie at someones house can be construed as a "date." Over time we have allowed this to happen... and I'm not sure why. The romance of a dinner date and movie is typically reserved for someone you're already dating, not someone you're just getting to know.
As if it's not bad enough we are trying to decode texts from each other while hanging out at a bar so we're not really sure it's a date...we've also got the dreaded post (maybe) date texts to deal with. According to older people I've talked to, you'd go on a few dates with someone and either make it a boyfriend/girlfriend thing... or you'd move on. Well, it's just not that simple anymore. Sometimes you go out with someone and you never hear from them again.... which is almost a gift as opposed to the long, drawn out text/hang out relationship you could get roped in to.
I feel like society is telling us it's bad to be alone. We should be paired up. We need that other person to validate us and share our experiences with. That's nice and all... but people seem to misplace their emotions and attachments just to avoid being alone. That's why girls (and it goes for guys too) have a hard time figuring out where they stand with a guy, or if he is really into her. The guy goes out with the girl, they have fun and enjoy each other, but he's not really sure he wants to commit. So instead of just parting ways, he's going to text the girl, chat with her on facebook, and probably booty call her from time to time. This keeps the line or communication open and satiates the loneliness without having to fully commit himself to a relationship. This guy then finds one, or maybe even two other girls to do the same thing with. The first girl finds out about the other girls and she's not even sure if she can be mad or say he cheated because she isn't even sure they were together in the first place.
This is whats wrong with my generation. We have too many options, too many lines in the water, and too much information in our face. Technology is our enemy, not our friend. We can't ever feel like we're happy with what we have because we are always waiting for the next update. We've all got unrealistic expectations of what our partners should be and mass media feeds on and perpetuates these ridiculous expectations. They shove the "bigger, better, and faster" new gadgets down our throats and tell us it's normal to always want an upgrade. We are in the mindset that we don't have to choose, we don't have to settle, something great will be coming 'round the bend shortly! Just hold on to what you've got until you see something better!
That brings me to a whole other topic I don't even want to get started on.... the "disposable generation." Everything we consume (be it food, clothes, technology, or even friends and relationships) is disposable. You don't want that phone?... get a new one! You don't like that friend now?... delete them from facebook! You don't feel like hanging out with that girl?... just blow her off!
I'll save that rant for another day!
So not only did we forget how nice the personal touch of a proper phone call is, but we don't go on as many real dates as we used to. These days going to a show as a group, meeting up a bar, or even watching a movie at someones house can be construed as a "date." Over time we have allowed this to happen... and I'm not sure why. The romance of a dinner date and movie is typically reserved for someone you're already dating, not someone you're just getting to know.
As if it's not bad enough we are trying to decode texts from each other while hanging out at a bar so we're not really sure it's a date...we've also got the dreaded post (maybe) date texts to deal with. According to older people I've talked to, you'd go on a few dates with someone and either make it a boyfriend/girlfriend thing... or you'd move on. Well, it's just not that simple anymore. Sometimes you go out with someone and you never hear from them again.... which is almost a gift as opposed to the long, drawn out text/hang out relationship you could get roped in to.
I feel like society is telling us it's bad to be alone. We should be paired up. We need that other person to validate us and share our experiences with. That's nice and all... but people seem to misplace their emotions and attachments just to avoid being alone. That's why girls (and it goes for guys too) have a hard time figuring out where they stand with a guy, or if he is really into her. The guy goes out with the girl, they have fun and enjoy each other, but he's not really sure he wants to commit. So instead of just parting ways, he's going to text the girl, chat with her on facebook, and probably booty call her from time to time. This keeps the line or communication open and satiates the loneliness without having to fully commit himself to a relationship. This guy then finds one, or maybe even two other girls to do the same thing with. The first girl finds out about the other girls and she's not even sure if she can be mad or say he cheated because she isn't even sure they were together in the first place.
This is whats wrong with my generation. We have too many options, too many lines in the water, and too much information in our face. Technology is our enemy, not our friend. We can't ever feel like we're happy with what we have because we are always waiting for the next update. We've all got unrealistic expectations of what our partners should be and mass media feeds on and perpetuates these ridiculous expectations. They shove the "bigger, better, and faster" new gadgets down our throats and tell us it's normal to always want an upgrade. We are in the mindset that we don't have to choose, we don't have to settle, something great will be coming 'round the bend shortly! Just hold on to what you've got until you see something better!
That brings me to a whole other topic I don't even want to get started on.... the "disposable generation." Everything we consume (be it food, clothes, technology, or even friends and relationships) is disposable. You don't want that phone?... get a new one! You don't like that friend now?... delete them from facebook! You don't feel like hanging out with that girl?... just blow her off!
I'll save that rant for another day!
3 more weeks...
I've only got 3 more weeks in Toronto, then it's back to AZ for me. I have a ton of stuff going on inside my head.... most of which I can't even rant about because a few people read this blog who don't need to know whats going on inside my head.
I don't want to leave Toronto. I've made some fast friends here. I love my neighborhood. Most neighborhoods don't hang out together every single night... but around here at 7pm everyone kind of drifts over to Ted's house (guy across the street) and drinks beer or wine while talking about their days, sports, and what plans can be made for the weekend. It's such a nice way to end the day... I wish people in AZ actually talked to their neighbors.
We had a big block party yesterday and it was so much fun. Must have been 60 people there by the afternoon. Everyone brought out the grills to the front yards and we cooked, drank, hung out, went swimming, had a bon fire, had a live band, made s'mores, and even set up a movie screen on the side of Rick's house so the kids could watch movies after the sun went down. I love these people. I want to live in a neighborhood like this someday!
I'm heading back to Anthony's farm tomorrow. Or maybe I'll spend the night tonight... I just never sleep well there because of the dogs. I sneeze too much! Boo. We are going to hang by the lake, swim, BBQ, and the girls will do crafts and take photos. I love it there... I never want to leave. I'm not typically a "farm life" type of girl... but hanging out and getting dirty over there doesn't bother me. Aside from the mosquitoes!
Not much else is going on I suppose... just working on my tan, hanging outside, gardening, and baking cupcakes. I'm enjoying the quiet lifestyle (during the week!) before I go back to AZ and go out every night. Amy and I have big plans for some big fun the rest of the summer.
I don't want to leave Toronto. I've made some fast friends here. I love my neighborhood. Most neighborhoods don't hang out together every single night... but around here at 7pm everyone kind of drifts over to Ted's house (guy across the street) and drinks beer or wine while talking about their days, sports, and what plans can be made for the weekend. It's such a nice way to end the day... I wish people in AZ actually talked to their neighbors.
We had a big block party yesterday and it was so much fun. Must have been 60 people there by the afternoon. Everyone brought out the grills to the front yards and we cooked, drank, hung out, went swimming, had a bon fire, had a live band, made s'mores, and even set up a movie screen on the side of Rick's house so the kids could watch movies after the sun went down. I love these people. I want to live in a neighborhood like this someday!
I'm heading back to Anthony's farm tomorrow. Or maybe I'll spend the night tonight... I just never sleep well there because of the dogs. I sneeze too much! Boo. We are going to hang by the lake, swim, BBQ, and the girls will do crafts and take photos. I love it there... I never want to leave. I'm not typically a "farm life" type of girl... but hanging out and getting dirty over there doesn't bother me. Aside from the mosquitoes!
Not much else is going on I suppose... just working on my tan, hanging outside, gardening, and baking cupcakes. I'm enjoying the quiet lifestyle (during the week!) before I go back to AZ and go out every night. Amy and I have big plans for some big fun the rest of the summer.
Monday, July 5, 2010
I take it back!
I didn't screw up somewhere along the line. I'm exactly where I need to be.
If you think about it, I'm pretty blessed. I get to travel the world, I have an awesome family who love me unconditionally, and a great network of amazing friends that span across several continents. I'm not broke, I'm not unhappy with life, I have my health, I have my (kind of) youth, and I have something a lot of other people could only wish for... charisma! I sometimes take for granted what a blessed life I have. I need to stay focused on the positive and let the past be the past. Sure, I have made a few mistakes, but I didn't screw up... I had life lessons!
I had a perfect weekend which reminded me just how lucky I am to be where I am.
One day at a time.... things will fall into place. My dream job is just waiting to be discovered. The guy I've been waiting for all these years will stumble into my life. The house I've always wanted will present itself when the time is right for me the buy it. I'll maybe even have a couple kids and trade in my passport for an SUV and soccer practice. Who knows what the future holds.... I'm just going to be the best person I can be while I continue on my path to the future.
If you think about it, I'm pretty blessed. I get to travel the world, I have an awesome family who love me unconditionally, and a great network of amazing friends that span across several continents. I'm not broke, I'm not unhappy with life, I have my health, I have my (kind of) youth, and I have something a lot of other people could only wish for... charisma! I sometimes take for granted what a blessed life I have. I need to stay focused on the positive and let the past be the past. Sure, I have made a few mistakes, but I didn't screw up... I had life lessons!
I had a perfect weekend which reminded me just how lucky I am to be where I am.
One day at a time.... things will fall into place. My dream job is just waiting to be discovered. The guy I've been waiting for all these years will stumble into my life. The house I've always wanted will present itself when the time is right for me the buy it. I'll maybe even have a couple kids and trade in my passport for an SUV and soccer practice. Who knows what the future holds.... I'm just going to be the best person I can be while I continue on my path to the future.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
plowed under
Hello little blog world. Today is Sunday. I've got a wonderful day planned. Going to Pride with Lacey, then having a craft night/slumber party with the girls over at Anthony's house. It should be an amazing day.... but my mind is somewhere else. I think I screwed up somewhere along the line. Not sure. I don't know if I need to move forward or backward. I'm just utterly confused. People keep trying to give me advice... but it all sounds like bullshit really. No one REALLY knows, right?
I had a dream so real last night I woke up out of breath and expecting you to be lying there next to me.
I need some clarity. Toronto has not been the distraction I needed. Fun, but not distracting enough.
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