I've always had the most bizarre dreams. They can haunt me for days. They can make me feel like a million bucks for days. Unfortunately it's normally scary dreams that haunt me.
Last night I dreamed my sis-in-law Courtney had a baby. That's pretty normal, right? Well, the baby kept changing into random things (a fish, a book, a babydoll) and trying to elude us as to her whereabouts. It was totally weird and I woke up almost laughing. A book baby? This must have another deeper meaning!
I'm really hoping my sis-in-law stays normal when she has a baby. She is pretty mellow and even tempered, so I feel like she will. Have you ever met one of those new psychotic mothers that keep their baby in a bubble for the first year or two to avoid a cold or bump... yeah, I hate them.
Speaking of mothers I hate, there is one in particular that is crazier than the rest. My step-brother Russell unfortunately got this girl pregnant a couple years ago. I was really excited at first thinking I'd FINALLY have a sister after wanting one for 23 years... and she would have a baby that I could play with, even better. Oh boy was I wrong. She has the baby, and to this day I've only held her once. I actually didn't even ask to hold her... it was at my brother Jason's wedding and I just kind of took her from my stepmom. I got about 10 mins with her, and it was awesome. I was holding her hands letting her walk around and we were playing and I was tickling her. She was laughing and having a great time. I'm fortunate that the only time I spent time with her was a good memory. I walked the baby back outside and PsychoMom spotted me and immediately told my brother to "get my baby away from her." And I'm happy to say that my step-brother replied "but she is having a good time" (or something along those lines) but then PsychoMom insisted he take the baby from me, so he did. I'm so glad my cousin Janice was a witness to this. People were trying to tell me that she is just over protective and weird about the baby, but I knew better. The psycho had it out for me for some reason. If my cousin Janice wouldn't have heard it with her own ears, I may very well have wondered for the rest of my life if I was over-reacting to a psycho mom, or if she really was trying to keep me away from her baby. Mystery solved!
So, my friend thinks that my sis-in-law baby dreams are my fears about her acting the same way. I'm fairly certain that won't be the case.... so hopefully I have no more weird baby dreams!
Goodnight bloggers xoxo
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Korea is changing me
Korea is changing me.... and not for the better. The thing that bothers me the most is my "teacher" changes. I had to adapt to how the kids are used to being treated. My American style teaching just wasn't cutting it.... between the language barrier and the fact Korean kids are treated differently I had to change up my game. I hate it. While I have a good relationship with most of my students, and I'm considered the "fun and nice teacher".... I'm not happy with the dynamic. I think Korea has made me a much worse teacher by American standards. When I am shuffling kids in and out every 30-60mins and administering countless tests I just don't have the time to teach the way I used to. Its a whole new ballgame, and I can't wait for it to be over. I laugh at my co-worker who says she wants to teach after she leaves here. She has NO IDEA what teaching is really like.... you can't compare this to an American classroom. If you can't hack it in Korea (she SLEEPS at work, doesn't prepare for classes, and the students and staff can't stand her) you could never hack being a real teacher. When is the last time you saw a teacher in America put their feet up on the desk and kick back with a book? Yeah, she did that at work.
I'm also becoming a recluse. Those of you who know me (which aside from the random stranger, is everyone) know how social I am. I thrive on spending time with my friends and family. I live to go to concerts and parties. I spend my weekends attending fun events, grabbing cocktails and dinner, shopping, hanging by the pool, and bike rides around town. Yeah, not in Korea. I spend 90% of my weekends in the house. Partly because it's been so darn cold, partly because I think I'm a tad depressed over my current situation. I'm not very happy here in Korea. I didn't make any friends (which has never happened in all my moving around), I don't enjoy going out, I don't want to shop, I don't care about events here.... and the few I care about always seem to get canceled. It's just not been all I was hoping for, and I will most certainly take some of the blame for that. I will admit, without hesitation, that I could do more to make this more enjoyable. It's just kind of been a cycle where the less I like Korea, the less I want to get out and experience it, which makes me like it even less. It's a nasty cycle and I'm hoping as spring comes and the weather turns nice I will want to be out exploring a bit more.
A big obstacle for me is transportation. I know it seems silly to let something like that get in the way of exploring and enjoying a city, but it really does. As most of you have probably noticed over the years I drive myself nearly everywhere (unless I'm with Amy or Michelle). I hate the feeling that if something bad happened I would be stuck or stranded. If I got sick or tired I couldn't get myself home, or if someone needed me I couldn't get to them. So, since I turned 16 I have enjoyed being able to be the master of my own transportation. Obviously there are exceptions, mostly involving evenings I want to drink. In Korea, it's all public transportation. I am NOT a fan. I hate feeling stranded wherever I am. I can't speak Korean and I don't even know how to ask for a taxi to take me home. I don't even know my address! This leads to all kinds of anxieties for some reason, so I just prefer to stay near home. I have been drunk only once (maybe twice) since I got here because I don't want to feel like I can't make my way back home.
I have tried to rationalize with myself that this is silly, but I can't help but feel a twinge of panic every time (rarely) I get on a subway car to go somewhere. It's not so bad with the bus, I guess because it's kind of like a giant car?? But I don't know how to navigate the city by bus. I am also a giant germaphob which you all know.... so the subway is like riding around in a giant cesspool. I literally sanitized the railing I was holding on to because it felt sticky haha. I was THAT person!
Well, this is enough ranting for one night. I have just been really bummed and regretting coming to Korea, so I had to get some of these things off my chest. I was day-dreaming about my mom coming to visit today. Isn't it weird I feel like something as small as a visit from my mom could change my whole perspective on things? She doesn't let me get away with any bullshit... she'd put an end to my pity party, throw me out into the city, and make me see what I've been missing. I love my mom.
I'm also becoming a recluse. Those of you who know me (which aside from the random stranger, is everyone) know how social I am. I thrive on spending time with my friends and family. I live to go to concerts and parties. I spend my weekends attending fun events, grabbing cocktails and dinner, shopping, hanging by the pool, and bike rides around town. Yeah, not in Korea. I spend 90% of my weekends in the house. Partly because it's been so darn cold, partly because I think I'm a tad depressed over my current situation. I'm not very happy here in Korea. I didn't make any friends (which has never happened in all my moving around), I don't enjoy going out, I don't want to shop, I don't care about events here.... and the few I care about always seem to get canceled. It's just not been all I was hoping for, and I will most certainly take some of the blame for that. I will admit, without hesitation, that I could do more to make this more enjoyable. It's just kind of been a cycle where the less I like Korea, the less I want to get out and experience it, which makes me like it even less. It's a nasty cycle and I'm hoping as spring comes and the weather turns nice I will want to be out exploring a bit more.
A big obstacle for me is transportation. I know it seems silly to let something like that get in the way of exploring and enjoying a city, but it really does. As most of you have probably noticed over the years I drive myself nearly everywhere (unless I'm with Amy or Michelle). I hate the feeling that if something bad happened I would be stuck or stranded. If I got sick or tired I couldn't get myself home, or if someone needed me I couldn't get to them. So, since I turned 16 I have enjoyed being able to be the master of my own transportation. Obviously there are exceptions, mostly involving evenings I want to drink. In Korea, it's all public transportation. I am NOT a fan. I hate feeling stranded wherever I am. I can't speak Korean and I don't even know how to ask for a taxi to take me home. I don't even know my address! This leads to all kinds of anxieties for some reason, so I just prefer to stay near home. I have been drunk only once (maybe twice) since I got here because I don't want to feel like I can't make my way back home.
I have tried to rationalize with myself that this is silly, but I can't help but feel a twinge of panic every time (rarely) I get on a subway car to go somewhere. It's not so bad with the bus, I guess because it's kind of like a giant car?? But I don't know how to navigate the city by bus. I am also a giant germaphob which you all know.... so the subway is like riding around in a giant cesspool. I literally sanitized the railing I was holding on to because it felt sticky haha. I was THAT person!
Well, this is enough ranting for one night. I have just been really bummed and regretting coming to Korea, so I had to get some of these things off my chest. I was day-dreaming about my mom coming to visit today. Isn't it weird I feel like something as small as a visit from my mom could change my whole perspective on things? She doesn't let me get away with any bullshit... she'd put an end to my pity party, throw me out into the city, and make me see what I've been missing. I love my mom.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
way to go, Michael Moore
The follow is a letter Michael Moore published yesterday. Bravo, Michael, finally something coming out of your mouth I can wholeheartedly agree with.
To My Fellow Citizens, the Republicans:
Thanks to last night's vote, that child of yours who has had asthma since birth will now be covered after suffering for her first nine years as an American child with a pre-existing condition.
Thanks to last night's vote, that 23-year-old of yours who will be hit one day by a drunk driver and spend six months recovering in the hospital will now not go bankrupt because you will be able to keep him on your insurance policy.
Thanks to last night's vote, after your cancer returns for the third time — racking up another $200,000 in costs to keep you alive — your insurance company will have to commit a criminal act if they even think of dropping you from their rolls.
Yes, my Republican friends, even though you have opposed this health care bill, we've made sure it is going to cover you, too, in your time of need. I know you're upset right now. I know you probably think that if you did get wiped out by an illness, or thrown out of your home because of a medical bankruptcy, that you would somehow pull yourself up by your bootstraps and survive. I know that's a comforting story to tell yourself, and if John Wayne were still alive I'm sure he could make that into a movie for you.
But the reality is that these health insurance companies have only one mission: To take as much money from you as they can — and then work like demons to deny you whatever coverage and help they can should you get sick.
So, when you find yourself suddenly broadsided by a life-threatening illness someday, perhaps you'll thank those pinko-socialist, Canadian-loving Democrats and independents for what they did Sunday evening.
If it's any consolation, the thieves who run the health insurance companies will still get to deny coverage to adults with pre-existing conditions for the next four years. They'll also get to cap an individual's annual health care reimbursements for the next four years. And if they break the pre-existing ban that was passed last night, they'll only be fined $100 a day! And, the best part? The law will require all citizens who aren't poor or old to write a check to a private insurance company. It's truly a banner day for these corporations.
So don't feel too bad. We're a long way from universal health care. Over 15 million Americans will still be uncovered — and that means about 15,000 will still lose their lives each year because they won't be able to afford to see a doctor or get an operation. But another 30,000 will live. I hope that's ok with you.
If you don't mind, we're now going to get busy trying to improve upon this bill so that all Americans are covered and so the grubby health insurance companies will be put out of business — because when it comes to helping the sick, no one should ever be allowed to ask the question, "How much money can we save by making this poor bastard suffer?"
Please, my Republican friends, if you can, take a quiet moment away from your AM radio and cable news network this morning and be happy for your country. We're doing better. And we're doing it for you, too.
Yours,
Michael Moore
To My Fellow Citizens, the Republicans:
Thanks to last night's vote, that child of yours who has had asthma since birth will now be covered after suffering for her first nine years as an American child with a pre-existing condition.
Thanks to last night's vote, that 23-year-old of yours who will be hit one day by a drunk driver and spend six months recovering in the hospital will now not go bankrupt because you will be able to keep him on your insurance policy.
Thanks to last night's vote, after your cancer returns for the third time — racking up another $200,000 in costs to keep you alive — your insurance company will have to commit a criminal act if they even think of dropping you from their rolls.
Yes, my Republican friends, even though you have opposed this health care bill, we've made sure it is going to cover you, too, in your time of need. I know you're upset right now. I know you probably think that if you did get wiped out by an illness, or thrown out of your home because of a medical bankruptcy, that you would somehow pull yourself up by your bootstraps and survive. I know that's a comforting story to tell yourself, and if John Wayne were still alive I'm sure he could make that into a movie for you.
But the reality is that these health insurance companies have only one mission: To take as much money from you as they can — and then work like demons to deny you whatever coverage and help they can should you get sick.
So, when you find yourself suddenly broadsided by a life-threatening illness someday, perhaps you'll thank those pinko-socialist, Canadian-loving Democrats and independents for what they did Sunday evening.
If it's any consolation, the thieves who run the health insurance companies will still get to deny coverage to adults with pre-existing conditions for the next four years. They'll also get to cap an individual's annual health care reimbursements for the next four years. And if they break the pre-existing ban that was passed last night, they'll only be fined $100 a day! And, the best part? The law will require all citizens who aren't poor or old to write a check to a private insurance company. It's truly a banner day for these corporations.
So don't feel too bad. We're a long way from universal health care. Over 15 million Americans will still be uncovered — and that means about 15,000 will still lose their lives each year because they won't be able to afford to see a doctor or get an operation. But another 30,000 will live. I hope that's ok with you.
If you don't mind, we're now going to get busy trying to improve upon this bill so that all Americans are covered and so the grubby health insurance companies will be put out of business — because when it comes to helping the sick, no one should ever be allowed to ask the question, "How much money can we save by making this poor bastard suffer?"
Please, my Republican friends, if you can, take a quiet moment away from your AM radio and cable news network this morning and be happy for your country. We're doing better. And we're doing it for you, too.
Yours,
Michael Moore
Monday, March 22, 2010
In your face...book!
It seems like everyone is in such a rush to get to the next milestone in their life.
I have so many friends who are getting engaged, getting married, having babies, graduating college, changing careers, and moving new places. I think the life changes of others feels so "in your face" because of Twitter, myspace, facebook, email, IM, text...etc. Ten years ago the average person wouldn't know which of their high school friends were married or having babies. Even five years ago we wouldn't be exposed to our ex-neighbors new engagement ring and baby bump. Has this constant status updated world changed the race towards the next goal?
Instead of competing with our small circle of friends for getting engaged or having a baby, now we must compete with 500 of our closest Facebook friends. Why has it become a constant barrage of "LOOK AT ME! LOOK WHAT I'M DOING NOW!!"?
I enjoy sharing and hearing good news as much as the next person, it warms my mushy little soul.... but sometimes it makes me want to hack off half my friends lists so I can get away from all the pictures of new babies and new jobs.
Am I just jealous that I'm coming up on 26, with no real career... no engagement in sight, and certainly no babies anytime in the foreseeable future? I hope I'm not. I guess I'm not really sure. I'm just tired of being so dialed in, but way too addicted to step away and let life (and facebook) run their course without me peeping in to see what the news is.
I have so many friends who are getting engaged, getting married, having babies, graduating college, changing careers, and moving new places. I think the life changes of others feels so "in your face" because of Twitter, myspace, facebook, email, IM, text...etc. Ten years ago the average person wouldn't know which of their high school friends were married or having babies. Even five years ago we wouldn't be exposed to our ex-neighbors new engagement ring and baby bump. Has this constant status updated world changed the race towards the next goal?
Instead of competing with our small circle of friends for getting engaged or having a baby, now we must compete with 500 of our closest Facebook friends. Why has it become a constant barrage of "LOOK AT ME! LOOK WHAT I'M DOING NOW!!"?
I enjoy sharing and hearing good news as much as the next person, it warms my mushy little soul.... but sometimes it makes me want to hack off half my friends lists so I can get away from all the pictures of new babies and new jobs.
Am I just jealous that I'm coming up on 26, with no real career... no engagement in sight, and certainly no babies anytime in the foreseeable future? I hope I'm not. I guess I'm not really sure. I'm just tired of being so dialed in, but way too addicted to step away and let life (and facebook) run their course without me peeping in to see what the news is.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Chatroulette
After reading my cousin's post on Chatroulette I decided it sounded interesting enough to try. Check his post out here!
The idea behind this website is that you peer through the webcam of a total stranger, while they in turn see you. This is all anonymous, which brings out the freak in some people.
I encountered probably 40% French/Swiss people, 40% German/Austrian people, 10% unknown, 5% asian, and 5% American. This is only out of the people I corresponded with.... there are probably countless others in the mix. I'm guessing my mixture was heavily European because it was the afternoon/evening there. It was too late at night for me to catch Asians, and too early for America to be awake yet. I am thinking about trying it again during a different time to see who I can find.
I think I got pretty lucky with my first encounter, it was with a group of college guys in Seattle. They were home on Spring Break from college and came across pretty educated and mild. They asked about my stay in Korea, I asked them about their plans after college. We exchanged a couple of random college stories, then I decided it was time to see who else was waiting to be discovered. I typed a quick goodbye and pressed the "next" button.
I spent the next 10 minutes not interacting with anyone. Some cameras were black, so I would keep going, some were women who pushed "next" on me. I actually didn't speak with any women. I would have, but they always pushed next. I had an array of penis-cams. Luckily there is a "report" feature. I was ready for this after my cousin warned his readers, but it's still gross!!
After 10 mins and numerous faces flashing past my screen, I stopped on a screen of a man playing an instrument. I asked, "Mandolin?" After another minute of playing he replied "balalakia." This spawned our conversation about music, Russian instrumenets, and lead me to discover he lives 10 minutes from my old house in Germany. We actually hung out at the same bars during the same time period. I never saw his face, so I'm not sure who he was or if there was a slight chance I could have met him. It was an interesting conversation none-the-less. I said goodbye and started clicking my way to finding someone else to speak to.
Not long after that, I came across a screen with a piece of paper (and fingers) that said "wave please." I waved. Then he held up a piece of paper that said "Thank you" with a smiley face. I thought that was a unique way to interact of this site. I wonder how many people wave at him? I wonder if that's a project for school, his own curiosity, or some random fetish??? Who knows.
Some of my conversations were in a mixture of their broken English and my broken French or German.
Overall I would give this website a B-. If there was a way to not see dick-cams I would want to do it again for sure. I think the idea behind the website is great. Not only does it expand our world outside our normal little bubble, but it gives us a chance to peer into the worlds of other people. Not often can you visit a home in Switzerland, France, Germany, China, and Russia all in one night. The best cure for hate is education. A website like this has the potential to teach people that although people may speak a different language, or live in a house that looks a little different, that underneath the exterior we are all just people, curious about the world.
The idea behind this website is that you peer through the webcam of a total stranger, while they in turn see you. This is all anonymous, which brings out the freak in some people.
I encountered probably 40% French/Swiss people, 40% German/Austrian people, 10% unknown, 5% asian, and 5% American. This is only out of the people I corresponded with.... there are probably countless others in the mix. I'm guessing my mixture was heavily European because it was the afternoon/evening there. It was too late at night for me to catch Asians, and too early for America to be awake yet. I am thinking about trying it again during a different time to see who I can find.
I think I got pretty lucky with my first encounter, it was with a group of college guys in Seattle. They were home on Spring Break from college and came across pretty educated and mild. They asked about my stay in Korea, I asked them about their plans after college. We exchanged a couple of random college stories, then I decided it was time to see who else was waiting to be discovered. I typed a quick goodbye and pressed the "next" button.
I spent the next 10 minutes not interacting with anyone. Some cameras were black, so I would keep going, some were women who pushed "next" on me. I actually didn't speak with any women. I would have, but they always pushed next. I had an array of penis-cams. Luckily there is a "report" feature. I was ready for this after my cousin warned his readers, but it's still gross!!
After 10 mins and numerous faces flashing past my screen, I stopped on a screen of a man playing an instrument. I asked, "Mandolin?" After another minute of playing he replied "balalakia." This spawned our conversation about music, Russian instrumenets, and lead me to discover he lives 10 minutes from my old house in Germany. We actually hung out at the same bars during the same time period. I never saw his face, so I'm not sure who he was or if there was a slight chance I could have met him. It was an interesting conversation none-the-less. I said goodbye and started clicking my way to finding someone else to speak to.
Not long after that, I came across a screen with a piece of paper (and fingers) that said "wave please." I waved. Then he held up a piece of paper that said "Thank you" with a smiley face. I thought that was a unique way to interact of this site. I wonder how many people wave at him? I wonder if that's a project for school, his own curiosity, or some random fetish??? Who knows.
Some of my conversations were in a mixture of their broken English and my broken French or German.
Overall I would give this website a B-. If there was a way to not see dick-cams I would want to do it again for sure. I think the idea behind the website is great. Not only does it expand our world outside our normal little bubble, but it gives us a chance to peer into the worlds of other people. Not often can you visit a home in Switzerland, France, Germany, China, and Russia all in one night. The best cure for hate is education. A website like this has the potential to teach people that although people may speak a different language, or live in a house that looks a little different, that underneath the exterior we are all just people, curious about the world.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Sad
I'm completely and utterly overwhelmed with sadness sometimes. Much, much more so in the last 4-5 months than ever before. This isn't my own sadness. This sadness is nothing I can really stop or change. I'm sickly sad for all the injustices in the world.
This sadness can be sparked by seeing a "street cat" on my way home from work. These cats live their entire miserable lives on the street, fighting for food, sitting outside behind my apartment shivering in the snow. They are afraid, dirty, hungry, and probably sick. For some reason my heart just aches for animals. It's bad enough when I read about animal abuse online, or see it on the news.... but to see it in person is another story. I know there are "outdoor" cats back home, but these feel like a different breed of stray. There are no programs here to help animals, and there are FAR to feral to let me near them. I've tried. Jack is actually the kitten of the colony behind the house. He will never realize the life he was so close to having. Thank goodness.
To continue on the animal note, the way animals are treated that will be food sickens me. I didn't eat red meat for years, but it wasn't political.... I just don't really care for it. I wish I had the will-power to be a vegetarian. I wish I could make a political statement like that. I'm just too weak!! I know I know... I suck. Dogs are a semi-popular dish here in Korea. The fact they eat dog is gross to a lot of foreigners, mainly because we see dogs as pets, not food. The thing that really makes me sad is the way the kill the dog before they eat it. Before they eat the dog the first hang it from a tree. While it's hanging, they gouge out it's eyes and start cutting parts off of it, slowly torturing it to death. This is all while its alive and screaming for mercy. Koreans kill dogs this way because the endorphins that the dog releases is god for their health. I just find it so hard to believe, that in this day and age that is an acceptable practice to ANY culture. It's disgusting and I truly hope there is a special place in hell for people who abuse poor helpless animals.
On the up-side, China recently announced that they are planning to ban dog and cat meat. This legislature could take up to a decade to approve, and who knows if it will ever make it all the way. It's a step in the right direction though.
Now, to the real nitty gritty. The thing that makes my heart ache more than animals is all the wrong against humans in this world. I feel sick to live in a world where little girls are sold for sex slaves. Where children are starving to death. Where men beat their children and wives. I hate living in a world where people are evil and nasty and get joy from making others suffer. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so interested in World News and affairs. I wish I could turn a blind eye to the people dying and suffering in Haiti right now. I wish I didn't cry for the people dying in Dafur. I wish I didn't feel so helpless when I think about the thousands (maybe hundreds of thousands) of sex slaves in this world. Some of these girls haven't even hit puberty yet and their mother had to sell them to be able to feed the family. What about the men (and sometimes women) who are buying sex from a child? What kind of person can rape a child and sleep at night?
I have no idea if it's "normal" for me to think about these things so often. I just can't help but sit and pay my silent respects for people when I hear about so many new tragedies on the news every day.
Can you imagine how different the world could be if it were easy to help people? Sure, we can feed a homeless person, or clothe a needy child.... but that seems so small. I'm thinking large scale. Imagine if there were ways to end genocide, child slavery, starvation, animal abuse, rape, murder. It seems so obtainable with the amount of money civilized nations throw around..... yet, so unobtainable.
Ok... thats enough for tonight. Goodnight.
This sadness can be sparked by seeing a "street cat" on my way home from work. These cats live their entire miserable lives on the street, fighting for food, sitting outside behind my apartment shivering in the snow. They are afraid, dirty, hungry, and probably sick. For some reason my heart just aches for animals. It's bad enough when I read about animal abuse online, or see it on the news.... but to see it in person is another story. I know there are "outdoor" cats back home, but these feel like a different breed of stray. There are no programs here to help animals, and there are FAR to feral to let me near them. I've tried. Jack is actually the kitten of the colony behind the house. He will never realize the life he was so close to having. Thank goodness.
To continue on the animal note, the way animals are treated that will be food sickens me. I didn't eat red meat for years, but it wasn't political.... I just don't really care for it. I wish I had the will-power to be a vegetarian. I wish I could make a political statement like that. I'm just too weak!! I know I know... I suck. Dogs are a semi-popular dish here in Korea. The fact they eat dog is gross to a lot of foreigners, mainly because we see dogs as pets, not food. The thing that really makes me sad is the way the kill the dog before they eat it. Before they eat the dog the first hang it from a tree. While it's hanging, they gouge out it's eyes and start cutting parts off of it, slowly torturing it to death. This is all while its alive and screaming for mercy. Koreans kill dogs this way because the endorphins that the dog releases is god for their health. I just find it so hard to believe, that in this day and age that is an acceptable practice to ANY culture. It's disgusting and I truly hope there is a special place in hell for people who abuse poor helpless animals.
On the up-side, China recently announced that they are planning to ban dog and cat meat. This legislature could take up to a decade to approve, and who knows if it will ever make it all the way. It's a step in the right direction though.
Now, to the real nitty gritty. The thing that makes my heart ache more than animals is all the wrong against humans in this world. I feel sick to live in a world where little girls are sold for sex slaves. Where children are starving to death. Where men beat their children and wives. I hate living in a world where people are evil and nasty and get joy from making others suffer. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so interested in World News and affairs. I wish I could turn a blind eye to the people dying and suffering in Haiti right now. I wish I didn't cry for the people dying in Dafur. I wish I didn't feel so helpless when I think about the thousands (maybe hundreds of thousands) of sex slaves in this world. Some of these girls haven't even hit puberty yet and their mother had to sell them to be able to feed the family. What about the men (and sometimes women) who are buying sex from a child? What kind of person can rape a child and sleep at night?
I have no idea if it's "normal" for me to think about these things so often. I just can't help but sit and pay my silent respects for people when I hear about so many new tragedies on the news every day.
Can you imagine how different the world could be if it were easy to help people? Sure, we can feed a homeless person, or clothe a needy child.... but that seems so small. I'm thinking large scale. Imagine if there were ways to end genocide, child slavery, starvation, animal abuse, rape, murder. It seems so obtainable with the amount of money civilized nations throw around..... yet, so unobtainable.
Ok... thats enough for tonight. Goodnight.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
The Next Step...
So, I'm not leaving Korea yet, but I've become obsessed with my next step in life.
I have it narrowed down to two things: esthetics or laser.
I feel like I'm in my mid-20s with not a whole lot of aim in life. I know what I want, but the details are hazy. I know my goals, but the details have yet to be filled in. I got the college degree because that's what you're "supposed to do" after college, but what now? The economy is int he shitter and doesn't show signs of improving. I always thought college was the magic ticket to a well-paying job that has room to grow. As my good friend Al says... "Magic ticket?! That's the lie that keeps colleges open."
I feel like he is right. Why did I need to go to college to validate myself? And why did I think it would lead me to the land of opportunity and fulfillment? In reality it lead me back to square one: confused, aimless, but hopeful about my future..... but 35 thousand dollars in debt.
Al always has such wonderful advice for me. He said tonight, "Working in a field that comforts people, and satisfies vanity...will always pay well. Choose a field that will you will enjoy and grow in for years...and one that you are sure will not be a drag for you...years down the road. True you change continually and mature...your perspective will change as the time goes by....let each step you take build into something that can support your ultimate goal....or even complement it so when you look back.....you can enjoy the memories. I think you are on the right track."
Ahhhh the wisdom... maybe I can learn from people if I take the time to listen.
I have some time to decide if going back to school is the right choice for me. I hate feeling so apathetic about career choices and my future. Some people are born with a passion engraved in them. Some people start college with a clear path and a career already chosen. I'm not one of those people. I wish I could try out 20 different professions and pick the one that suits me the best. The truth is, I don't know what I'm passionate about... career wise. I have passions: photography, design, makeup, beauty, art in general, working with children, helping people. If only I could make a solid career out of the things that I love with little or no risk involved. I still stand by the fact I think I would make an excellent art therapist for children. Too bad that would take years and years of schooling.
So, here you have my biggest fear. It's out in the open for the world to see. I fear I will never find my calling. I fear I will never be fully satisfied with my career. I worry this dissatisfaction could spill over into other realms of my life.
I'm going to continue to research schools and projected job growth in these industries. With the help of my wonderful mother I have been putting in many long hours of research and phone calls. I'll let you all know what I decide. xo
I have it narrowed down to two things: esthetics or laser.
I feel like I'm in my mid-20s with not a whole lot of aim in life. I know what I want, but the details are hazy. I know my goals, but the details have yet to be filled in. I got the college degree because that's what you're "supposed to do" after college, but what now? The economy is int he shitter and doesn't show signs of improving. I always thought college was the magic ticket to a well-paying job that has room to grow. As my good friend Al says... "Magic ticket?! That's the lie that keeps colleges open."
I feel like he is right. Why did I need to go to college to validate myself? And why did I think it would lead me to the land of opportunity and fulfillment? In reality it lead me back to square one: confused, aimless, but hopeful about my future..... but 35 thousand dollars in debt.
Al always has such wonderful advice for me. He said tonight, "Working in a field that comforts people, and satisfies vanity...will always pay well. Choose a field that will you will enjoy and grow in for years...and one that you are sure will not be a drag for you...years down the road. True you change continually and mature...your perspective will change as the time goes by....let each step you take build into something that can support your ultimate goal....or even complement it so when you look back.....you can enjoy the memories. I think you are on the right track."
Ahhhh the wisdom... maybe I can learn from people if I take the time to listen.
I have some time to decide if going back to school is the right choice for me. I hate feeling so apathetic about career choices and my future. Some people are born with a passion engraved in them. Some people start college with a clear path and a career already chosen. I'm not one of those people. I wish I could try out 20 different professions and pick the one that suits me the best. The truth is, I don't know what I'm passionate about... career wise. I have passions: photography, design, makeup, beauty, art in general, working with children, helping people. If only I could make a solid career out of the things that I love with little or no risk involved. I still stand by the fact I think I would make an excellent art therapist for children. Too bad that would take years and years of schooling.
So, here you have my biggest fear. It's out in the open for the world to see. I fear I will never find my calling. I fear I will never be fully satisfied with my career. I worry this dissatisfaction could spill over into other realms of my life.
I'm going to continue to research schools and projected job growth in these industries. With the help of my wonderful mother I have been putting in many long hours of research and phone calls. I'll let you all know what I decide. xo
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