Ok, I hate to admit how intrigued I am by astrology. I just feel it's not advice a reasonable and educated person would be taking... but it's so fun!
There is one book in particular I really relate to. It's called "Astrological revelations about you." My friend read about my sign and we kept stopping and looking at each other and laughing.... it was so dead-on about everything. I know people say things written about each sign can be adapted to be about any person, but I swear I fit the description of a Gemini to a tee!
"Restless gemini: the sign which exhibits curiosity, asks questions, moves about, gesticulates- you are the teacher, the social worker, the photographer, the reporter (all majors of mine during college). You "grow" on people; you touch people, you cause them to react. You are vibrant. The opposite sex is drawn to you, although at "crucial" moments you could find something to laugh at- which can be a disconcerting trait.
You are restless and charming. you scatter your forces and some wonder if you ever really do concentrate. you may not be profound, but you are intelligent. You may not be a raving beauty, but you are vivacious. You love change, travel, variety. You can love more than one person at the same time.
You are interesting and controversial. your ideas are not orthodox and neither are your methods. You usually act only according to the way you feel- at the time. Obviously, your character is multifaceted; your emotions run the gamut."
That's just the tip of the iceberg..... it gets really interesting!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
I'm in a good place. Just want to say it.
I was afraid of making a really bad choice, but now, in the midst of it... I realize things are exactly how they should be. Things are NOT black and white.... today, is a perfect shade of gray. It's not all or nothing, it's bits and pieces that make up the perfect combination. Sometimes you need to step on to that other side of the grass to realize your lawn was greener after all.... and quickly water it to sustain it.
Things will play out the way they need to play out. I'm ok with that. I'll sit back and enjoy the ride. It's a roller coaster baby, and I'm a thrill seeker.
I was afraid of making a really bad choice, but now, in the midst of it... I realize things are exactly how they should be. Things are NOT black and white.... today, is a perfect shade of gray. It's not all or nothing, it's bits and pieces that make up the perfect combination. Sometimes you need to step on to that other side of the grass to realize your lawn was greener after all.... and quickly water it to sustain it.
Things will play out the way they need to play out. I'm ok with that. I'll sit back and enjoy the ride. It's a roller coaster baby, and I'm a thrill seeker.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Maybe mama knows best...
My mom is always full of valuable advice and information. Rarely does she steer me in the wrong direction. I also rarely follow her advice.... steering myself willing in the wrong direction, thinking I know best. Some things just come with age and life experience. I wrote in a blog years ago there is a hump people had always told me about, which you go over around 25. This hump changes something. I think around 25 people become more introspective. They have enough life experience to make sound choices, but enough youth to still have fun. I'm about to turn 25. Hump.... here I come.
I can tell I'm approaching the hump. I'm becoming less impulsive, more thoughtful, more considerate, less selfish. Ok, I'm working on the selfish thing.... give me a break, I'm the baby of the family! My days have turned from poolside margarita's and shopping to a classroom of beautiful children.... and I'm not the least bit resentful (as I thought I would be when those days ended). I still have my occasional "Man, I wish I could go to the lake with my friends today" moment, but I no longer envy my friends who come and go as they please. This happened when I wasn't even paying attention. It's completely taken me by surprise that most sunday nights I go to bed excited to go back to work the next day. It's a feeling I enjoy getting used to. Life isn't one big party anymore, which makes me value my "me" time even more. I pick the things I do with care, I revel in the moment. It's a good place to be. Instead of 5 or 6 nights a week of going out to have a semi-fun time.... I now have 1 or 2 superb nights out that leave me satisfied and happy with my life.
My life has become calm, the turmoil of college life seems like it's such a distant past now. I like it. I feel more prepared to face any dark days that may head my way. As my lovely mother keeps pointing out to me, "If something bizarre or bad is going to happen, it will surely happen to you!" I've come to embrace the weird in my life, it's alright.... I'm resilient. As Longfellow said,
"Into each life some rain must fall, Some days must be dark and dreary." My life is full of sunshine.... a little rain can't get me down. I live in Arizona after all, the rain doesn't stick around for long.
I was hoping doing some writing/thinking/venting would make my day better.....
I can't write about what I came here to write about. The person I want to write about reads these..... I'm not about to throw myself under the bus. Gah.
I was going to write about compromises in life as well.... but I should get back to cleaning. Nothing takes the sting out of hurt feelings like a clean bathroom, haha.
I can tell I'm approaching the hump. I'm becoming less impulsive, more thoughtful, more considerate, less selfish. Ok, I'm working on the selfish thing.... give me a break, I'm the baby of the family! My days have turned from poolside margarita's and shopping to a classroom of beautiful children.... and I'm not the least bit resentful (as I thought I would be when those days ended). I still have my occasional "Man, I wish I could go to the lake with my friends today" moment, but I no longer envy my friends who come and go as they please. This happened when I wasn't even paying attention. It's completely taken me by surprise that most sunday nights I go to bed excited to go back to work the next day. It's a feeling I enjoy getting used to. Life isn't one big party anymore, which makes me value my "me" time even more. I pick the things I do with care, I revel in the moment. It's a good place to be. Instead of 5 or 6 nights a week of going out to have a semi-fun time.... I now have 1 or 2 superb nights out that leave me satisfied and happy with my life.
My life has become calm, the turmoil of college life seems like it's such a distant past now. I like it. I feel more prepared to face any dark days that may head my way. As my lovely mother keeps pointing out to me, "If something bizarre or bad is going to happen, it will surely happen to you!" I've come to embrace the weird in my life, it's alright.... I'm resilient. As Longfellow said,
"Into each life some rain must fall, Some days must be dark and dreary." My life is full of sunshine.... a little rain can't get me down. I live in Arizona after all, the rain doesn't stick around for long.
I was hoping doing some writing/thinking/venting would make my day better.....
I can't write about what I came here to write about. The person I want to write about reads these..... I'm not about to throw myself under the bus. Gah.
I was going to write about compromises in life as well.... but I should get back to cleaning. Nothing takes the sting out of hurt feelings like a clean bathroom, haha.
Friday, March 27, 2009
keep smiling
A time comes in your life when you finally get it ... when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out ENOUGH!!! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that you are neither Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with...and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything.You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that you are neither Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with...and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything.You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Top 10 things I do when I like a guy:
1) I smile uncontrollably when he calls or texts (to an extent, haha)
2) I get a tiny bit short of breath when he touches me in an innocent way
3) I won't let him buy everything (weird I know.. but its just something that happens)
4) I get nervous before text messaging/calling him
5) I don't mind if he snores during movies(which typically makes me never want to speak to someone again)
6) I will look past little things that typically would turn me off
7) I can't help but pause in the middle of a conversation to kiss him.
8) I don't mind listening to silly stories for hours, in fact I think they're adorable.
9) I blush when I wake up and he is staring at me
10) Butterflies. Plain and simple.
1) I smile uncontrollably when he calls or texts (to an extent, haha)
2) I get a tiny bit short of breath when he touches me in an innocent way
3) I won't let him buy everything (weird I know.. but its just something that happens)
4) I get nervous before text messaging/calling him
5) I don't mind if he snores during movies(which typically makes me never want to speak to someone again)
6) I will look past little things that typically would turn me off
7) I can't help but pause in the middle of a conversation to kiss him.
8) I don't mind listening to silly stories for hours, in fact I think they're adorable.
9) I blush when I wake up and he is staring at me
10) Butterflies. Plain and simple.
I've been here before.
"Men are more accountable for their motives, than for anything else ...."
-- Archibald Alexander
Why are you doing what you are doing?
Throughout the day, continually ask yourself about your underlying motivation. Are you doing what you are doing for selfish, manipulative or fearful reasons, or in honest service? Maybe you will see that much of your activity lacks purpose. This is a great way to become more conscious.
Your intention and motives are fundamental to the results you receive. Set high intentions and your life will blossom.
"A good intention clothes itself with power."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-- Archibald Alexander
Why are you doing what you are doing?
Throughout the day, continually ask yourself about your underlying motivation. Are you doing what you are doing for selfish, manipulative or fearful reasons, or in honest service? Maybe you will see that much of your activity lacks purpose. This is a great way to become more conscious.
Your intention and motives are fundamental to the results you receive. Set high intentions and your life will blossom.
"A good intention clothes itself with power."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I found a list from 2004 of my favorite things..
and it's funny how little things have changed. Kind of.
I was thinkng of things that keep me happy....
1. when a boy writes me poetry
2. the smell of rain in the woods
3. road trips with friends
4. singing bad 80's songs on the top of our lungs
5. s'mores
6. campfires
7. first kiss with a new boy
8. being held by someone I care about
9. not saying anything
10. baby smell
11. rain on my hand out the car window
12. coffee
13. long distance phone calls
14. being with people who make me smile
15. getting butterflies around a new guy
16. laying in the grass
17. sitting on the beach with good friends
18. sunsets
19. michelle booty dancing
20. holding hands
21. pay day
22. hearing from old friends
23. being goofy
24. making pancakes at 2pm after a long night
25. Maloneys on thursdays with the gang
26. swimming in the middle of the night
27. going camping at the last minute with no supplies (yeah cheryl)
28. laughing at random things when you've been up too long
29. sitting on the front of the boat warming in the sun
30. best friends
31. hiking up the mountain in the middle of the night
32. mullets
33. the colorful girl, one armed man, big nosed hobo, and the scottsdale bitch
34. smell of wet cement
35. driving too fast on curvy roads
36. my partner in crime
I was thinkng of things that keep me happy....
1. when a boy writes me poetry
2. the smell of rain in the woods
3. road trips with friends
4. singing bad 80's songs on the top of our lungs
5. s'mores
6. campfires
7. first kiss with a new boy
8. being held by someone I care about
9. not saying anything
10. baby smell
11. rain on my hand out the car window
12. coffee
13. long distance phone calls
14. being with people who make me smile
15. getting butterflies around a new guy
16. laying in the grass
17. sitting on the beach with good friends
18. sunsets
19. michelle booty dancing
20. holding hands
21. pay day
22. hearing from old friends
23. being goofy
24. making pancakes at 2pm after a long night
25. Maloneys on thursdays with the gang
26. swimming in the middle of the night
27. going camping at the last minute with no supplies (yeah cheryl)
28. laughing at random things when you've been up too long
29. sitting on the front of the boat warming in the sun
30. best friends
31. hiking up the mountain in the middle of the night
32. mullets
33. the colorful girl, one armed man, big nosed hobo, and the scottsdale bitch
34. smell of wet cement
35. driving too fast on curvy roads
36. my partner in crime
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Starting over.... again!
Ok, my second blog never really took off the way my first one did. Man, looking back at that blog I wonder how I made it out of college alive, haha.
I deleted most of the posts from this blog... so I've got a fresh start and I'm ready to get my blog on again!
Todays Topic (not a stranger to my blogs) is LOVE:
Maybe He's Just Not That Into You... should girls live by these words or take it as entertainment and continue to date the way they always have?
I recently saw this movie and I'll admit I read the book a few years ago.... and I just can't decide if it makes sense or it's just incredibly mean. Maybe the book is right and "he's just not that into you"... or maybe you are the victim of poor communication, maybe he is shy, maybe he isn't sure if you're into him. I wouldn't go as far as discrediting the ideas behind this book- often a womans intuition, the analysis her and her friends do, or even your mothers advice is hitting the nail right on the head.... but why should women always assume they are the rule, not the exception? And The Book would have you walk away from anyone who isn't coming at you 100% clearly at 100% emotional health. Well, that's shiny, but is it really realistic? Is it even wise, to be so black and white?
This fad of men having to be clear and active in dating is certainly sweeping the nation. Maybe it's good to get guys on board with the idea. If enough women start buying into this idea and walk away from men who are unclear, unassertive, sneaky, or free and clear of emotional baggage then maybe men will be forced to evolve or be left left alone- and single- right? Men may just be forced to own their desires and actually go after them with some gumption. I believe men have always wanted the same things as women, they just have never had to go about getting those things the same way as women.
But....what worries me now is that I'm following the book- subconsciously anyway. And while my life is certainly not represented as a statistical sample, it certainly is confusing!
And I'm stuck because I can't go back. I see things I didn't see before, and I can't ignore what The Book would call clear. And yet I'm loathe to embrace The Book in the way I have in the past.
The book makes it sound like there are *no* exceptions to the rules provided. No room for "what if". But life isn't black and white, is it? And if not, then there are no absolute rules.
I'm stuck, I'm confused, and the only sure thing is that I have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to be.
I deleted most of the posts from this blog... so I've got a fresh start and I'm ready to get my blog on again!
Todays Topic (not a stranger to my blogs) is LOVE:
Maybe He's Just Not That Into You... should girls live by these words or take it as entertainment and continue to date the way they always have?
I recently saw this movie and I'll admit I read the book a few years ago.... and I just can't decide if it makes sense or it's just incredibly mean. Maybe the book is right and "he's just not that into you"... or maybe you are the victim of poor communication, maybe he is shy, maybe he isn't sure if you're into him. I wouldn't go as far as discrediting the ideas behind this book- often a womans intuition, the analysis her and her friends do, or even your mothers advice is hitting the nail right on the head.... but why should women always assume they are the rule, not the exception? And The Book would have you walk away from anyone who isn't coming at you 100% clearly at 100% emotional health. Well, that's shiny, but is it really realistic? Is it even wise, to be so black and white?
This fad of men having to be clear and active in dating is certainly sweeping the nation. Maybe it's good to get guys on board with the idea. If enough women start buying into this idea and walk away from men who are unclear, unassertive, sneaky, or free and clear of emotional baggage then maybe men will be forced to evolve or be left left alone- and single- right? Men may just be forced to own their desires and actually go after them with some gumption. I believe men have always wanted the same things as women, they just have never had to go about getting those things the same way as women.
But....what worries me now is that I'm following the book- subconsciously anyway. And while my life is certainly not represented as a statistical sample, it certainly is confusing!
And I'm stuck because I can't go back. I see things I didn't see before, and I can't ignore what The Book would call clear. And yet I'm loathe to embrace The Book in the way I have in the past.
The book makes it sound like there are *no* exceptions to the rules provided. No room for "what if". But life isn't black and white, is it? And if not, then there are no absolute rules.
I'm stuck, I'm confused, and the only sure thing is that I have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to be.
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