travel and love

When I was traveling, is was a new start for me. I was single, free, suntanned, excited, and balls to the walls energetic. I had enough money, and I was, for the first time in a while, truly, truly happy.
I had some of those wonderful travel relationships that are so amazingly intense and powerful.
If anyone reading this has traveled a lot, Youll know what I mean. You feel so drawn to a person, and everything is perfect and exciting, but you wonder if it's just because you're traveling, and if it would all go away if you both had jobs and bills and issues at home, or if you've really just met your soul mate and you're the luckiest two people on Earth.


Since living back in the States (yes, it's been a while now), I've met a few people that I liked the way I liked people while living in other countries, and I've broken up with people who are amazing, but just not right for me, maybe the problem is that there's no fairytale anymore. There's none of that amazing, almost tangible, life affirming run-away-with-me passion like when you spend weeks traveling around Europe with someone, sharing new and amazing experiences, not caring about anything else in the world.

I'm romantic. I like bubble baths with champagne and strawberries, walks in the park, kite flying, roller skating, running around in the rain, skinny dipping, snowball fights, thumb wrestling, dancing, rolling around on the floor, skipping stones, food fights, picnics, cuddling....
I love flirting, courtship, chivalry. I love little presents, holding hands, stealing kisses in mid conversation, inside jokes, and most of all that fantastic feeling of being attracted to someone. I feel like there is no romance in my life anymore. Having dinner a few times a week, watching movies, hanging out, and going to work....... it's so, adult. Boring.

I feel like I need to run off and elope with someone in order to make it spectacular and romantic, so I can share some life affirming experience with them, so we have a story. I want a story.

This sucks, because a year ago I figured I'd meet a nice guy, someone from the West Coast who I had a lot in common with, someone who would get my jokes about American subtleties. Someone who knew what an etch-a-sketch was, and who knows the theme song from The Facts of Life.

Travel has spoiled me. Not only in Love, but in working, in what I think is fun, in what I want to do with my life.
It's boring to my friends, and I feel like an obsessive bore because it's the most fun thing I can think to talk about, with someone who understands.

No one, not one person, though, understands, and I keep a lot of things bottled up.
And while I've dated people who have vacation amazing places, none of them knew what it was like to just go. To run the freak off and explore, to be free of everything.

I don't need someone who wants to run away though. Not in the literal way. I want my running off to be with each other. Create our own world to disappear in. Travel together, if only in this country, this state, or this city. Have adventures in our own backyards if need be. I think I just want the thrill of falling in love. It's been a long time. I was almost there, until everything came crashing down. I don't want to second guess myself.