I’m not sure what time it is, I forgot to change the time on the DS before I boarded the plane and I obviously can’t turn my cell phone on to check. The entire plane is dark and quiet; there are maybe 3 or 4 other little lights glowing away like mine. I’m guessing we are over an hour or two into the flight. I read some more of my book but couldn’t stop crying (damn you sappy love stories) so I played the DS for a few minutes. I’m antsy and just want to be in his arms, so ill do what I do whenever my heart is hurting…. write.
We had a movie script ending, all tears and the wave goodbye as I ascended the escalator. I sat on the plane and cried like I was a teenager again, with my first high school heartache, but this pain was a little more substantial.
This man has caused me plenty of heartache before, but never quite like this. My heart aches for his warm hugs, understanding eyes, and soft kisses. I am wrapping my head around the fact I will not wake up to his handsome face, not go to sleep safe in his arms. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes, but for my neighbors sake I’ll stifle the cry that will surely follow at some point soon. I’ve grown accustomed to these routines. We prop ourselves in bed to watch TV while I read and he plays video games. After the sleepy medicine has kicked in we pick our “sleepy time” movie and wrap ourselves up in blankets and each other. It’s not long before I’m fast asleep, probably with my mouth hanging open, or my arm curled up around the pillow, and he is engrossed in whatever movie was supposed to put us to sleep, and will remain that way for a while before he passes out along. Yes, this is a much different hurt. This hurt, instead of making me bitter, angry, or confused, has made me realize how hard it will be to live without him for the next month. Only a month, right? A month feels like an eternity when you are used to spending the majority of your waking hours together. A month feels way too long, when you’ve just discovered so many new things about him, and you realize you love him through and through. Not the fleeting love I once felt for him, which could be squashed so easily by some dumb actions. This love resonates deep in my heart. This is the love that sticks with you for a long time, willing or not.
These new discoveries helped me really get to know him. Yes, we’ve told stories, we’ve shared pictures, and we’ve tried to paint these visual images for each other about that growing up was like… but it’s always hard to understand without seeing. He has spent so much time with my family, learning about me, seeing me with them, that it was really wonderful to be able to do the same for him. His mother is ten times better than I ever could have imagined. Warmth and love just radiates from this woman like you wouldn’t believe. She is sometimes very quiet, but won’t hesitate to interject a witty remark when it’s needed. She has a profound wisdom to her that only comes from a mixture of book smarts and a heavy dose of life experience. You can tell just by how she talks to her children how much she loves them. There is never any doubt she was meant to mother. She reminds me a lot of my own mother; maybe that’s why I felt an instant yearn to be close to her. I miss my mom SO much and it’s nearly impossible to find someone that reminds me of her, so when I do, I realize what a rare gem that person is.
I don’t think there was a single person in his family that I didn’t like. I think his sisters are just great, and his grandpa could easily become one of my favorite people. His grandparents were so endearing I just never wanted to leave their house! He told me he knew when she walked into a movie theater when she was 10 that she was the woman he would marry. They started dating at 14, and the ring on her finger was not far behind. He still blushed while looking at her! That’s the kind of love movies are made about, books are written about, and girls like me spend their youths searching for. I sleep better at night knowing some people get their “happily ever after.”
While meeting his mother was a great part of visiting Maine, it was just a small portion of the magic we shared last week. Watching him watch the ocean was quite an experience. I know he has spoken off his love for the ocean before, but I never quite understood it until I saw it first hand. He had a calm about him, something about the rhythmic crashing of the waves, the stability of it, the magic of it…. it was a calm I have never seen in him before. While most times he is the calm when I am the storm, there is always that hushed turmoil deep inside him, and for the first time I believe that deep inner turmoil was quieted by the lapping of the water and sand under his feet. There is no doubt in my mind that this man belongs near the ocean. It brought peace to me to see him so tranquil.
The trip wasn’t all unearthing of my deeper feelings for him, we did have some fun and games as well. We spent a day in Salem with his sister and mother and it was a magnificent day. We started out by going to a Witch Museum to learn about the Salem Witch Trials and all the fervor surrounding it. I was very amazed to re-learn about the incidents, as it had been so long since we covered that in school. We also visited the Memorial for the people who died during that time. A really old cemetery with some famous names adjoined the memorial; some of the graves were dated as far back as the 1600s! We looked at a lot of the cute shops, had some amazing pizza at The Upper Crust, and even got to see a parade of the little ones dressed up in their costumes, trick or treating down the main street. I was least impressed by a haunted house we visited…. that’s something Ill have to do when I get back to AZ, I LOVE being scared in haunted houses!
Another really fun day was the day we went to the orchard to go apple picking! I’ve never been apple picking, but now I wish I had an apple tree of my own! So delicious! I enjoyed visiting the little farm just down the street, which I think was run by Quakers. Either way they had an amazing garden and some delectable apple cider. I picked out a pumpkin that I never got to carve, kind of sad about that! Boo! Old Orchard Beach was another one of my favorite sites, but I will need to see it in all its summer glory to appreciate it fully, I think. I used my imagination to picture what the pier would look like, jammed with tourists, families, and lovebirds, but my scene would probably pale in comparison to the real thing.
Last night was the perfect ended to my trip. We drove out to New Hampshire to visit a corn maze. The corn maze was fun, but not as impressive as the others that have visited I hear. So while I wasn’t completely blown away by the experience that all changed when we stumbled upon the animals! Nick’s sister made the pig fart, we got to pet the donkey, and watched the goats bound around on the rocks in their habitat. It was enchanting! We followed up the adorable animals with probably one of the best ice cream sundaes I’ve ever had! Yummm! Of course going home and snuggling all night was just adding to the enchantment of my night.
I could write all night and never capture the magic I felt while in New England. Not only the magic of the place, the rich history, and beautiful weather…. but the magic between my love and I. It’s something I treasure and will keep me sane until we meet again in Korea.
I’m out of tissue so I’m going to sign off for the night, but I’ll be back with tales of our cross-country road trip soon!
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