I'm a slacker!

Yeah, I'm slacking on the blog posts. I havent really been home.... and haven't had any "Alone" time to write. Oh well.... I'm here now!


So, life feels like it did about a month ago, only more real. I think I'm moving in the right direction. I'm digesting things, processing them, and going from there. It's a good thing I'm pretty sure. I'm going to have some blind faith for things to progress, I think. That's really scary. It involves a lot of trust and hope. DEEP BREATH, I can do it.

Sooooo I don't know if it's 100% sure yet.... but I think I'm going to Korea. Yeah, you heard me. My friend Alicia is already there (going on 2 years) and loves it. I have asked all the questions, done a ton of research, and discussed it with the family. Everyone is on board, everything looks like it'll fall into place. The November jobs (our goal date) aren't posted until Sept so until then I'm in limbo, but continuing research. Everyone I've told thinks it's a good idea..... so I must be thinking straight for once. Or people just expect that kind of stuff from me, haha.

Well, I've been packing boxes (no, I'm not moving, someone else is) for a few hours and I'm tired. I think this is all I have in me for tonight.

Just wanted to say life is good right now. Everything is evening out. I'm still looking for a decent job to keep me occupied until the Korea move.

xoxo

with a feather...

I realize why I never blogged on work days now.... they are busy.... and make me tired.

I'm listening to the worst music ever, someone should stop me.

I need a cowboy hat.

I need a vacation from AZ.

I'm making big plans and it's scaring the shit out of me.

I'm trying to bite my tongue more, blurt things out less.

I keep thinking about things that upset me, but not thinking about them feels impossible.

I feel like I need to know everything, even when no good will come of it.

I've never been so careless with those words before.

I like hot glue guns, even though I'm careless and hurt myself.

I need this adventure.

I need to decide if I should trust my friends, or my heart. Who has my best interest in mind?

I hate lying.

who needs a snack??

It's FREAKIN' hot out!! Just saying.

So I absolutely hate my new job. I know it's temporary so I'll try and keep my chin up, but I want to pull my hair out!!!

I'll keep looking and maybe schedule another visit to the career counselor now that I have a better idea of my goals.

I'm brewing up a few blog ideas, but I don't really have time to write right now, soooo I'll keep the ideas coming and try and blog tomorrow! :-)

Now off to Kinkos to print my resume!

who likes whiskey...

All day hangovers can kiss it! I have hit the age where I can't drink whatever I want. Ouch.

Monday turned around for me. Went to see matty and becca. Went shopping. Grouted a stone fireplace. Had dinner... And a lot of cocktails.

I'm sleepy.

Mondays....

The high of the weekend has been replaced by the Monday blues. Today is probably the hardest day I've had..... all summer. I'm totally bumming, and I can't really talk about it because people read my blog that don't need to know what's going on in my head today. Blah. I've decided to use blogger to update about my comings and goings instead of facebook. There are people I just don't want to know what I'm doing, how I'm feeling, or where I'm headed. Blogger is safer. I gave the link to people I want to know whats going on with me, everyone else can go away. Facebook feels like a cancer in my life right now.... I'd delete it, but I love keeping in touch and seeing what certain people are up to. Its a sickness I tell you.

I'm excited to see some of my favorite kiddos from school tomorrow. I'm taking them to lunch and shopping. It'll be good times. Then on Wed. I start the new jobby job. I keep reminding myself it's just until I find my dream job. Doesn't make it easier I think. It wont be that bad. Just not my ideal situation. eh.

Amy thinks I should bring a hard copy of my resume to that dream job I've been applying for. The lady said they are still accepting resumes via internet, so i cant decide if bringing one in to them is annoying or shows how driven I am? Hmmmmm.

Gina Kelly says I need to let myself miss people that I want to miss. And allow them to miss me. I've just never been good at going cold turkey with people I still care about. I guess sometimes as much as I want to completely emotionally check out, I just cant. She says I need to put on makeup, do my hair, and head out into the world. Lately that has just ended with me getting super drunk and texting people I shouldn't be texting. Especially since most of those people are on a three hour time difference and I end up texting them in the middle of the night.

She says the "missing" people part will fade when I want it to. Am I really such a masochist I'm putting myself through more bullshit than I actually need to? Probably. ha. I need to start moving forward again (according to the great Gina Kelly).... I was doing so great until a couple days ago.... wtf!

Adventure!

Yesterday morning Amy and I were sitting around the house debating what to do with our day (I had a promising day of laundry ahead) when we decided to go on an ADVENTURE! We debated over Tucson and a few other places before deciding on Slide Rock (and all the other tourist crap in Sedona). So we call Becca, throw on swim suits and cut offs, fill the cooler with beer... and head out! The best quote of the morning was by Amy: "Let's hurry up and take these clothes off so we can cut them up!" Yeehaw. Oh, and don't forget the pigtails and trucker hats as well.

The trip up there was fun, we gambled (dont ask), had sing a longs, and made fun of Amy, haha. Good times. My cousin Alyssa met us up there then we discovered Slide Rock was totally full so we found another spot. We had to venture down the side of the mountain type cliff to get down to the water, then cross many very slippery rocks to get to the other side where we wanted to set up camp. It took us like half an hour to swim/jump/rock step our way across. ack. Some guys even offered amy help because she was stuck haha. We spent the day meeting other people escaping the heat, swimming, enjoying good company, and drinking beer. It was what we all needed. After the sun started to set we went into downtown Sedona and shopped, walked around, and had a yummy dinner. It was a perfect day and we headed home happy. Got back into town at like 11pm and stopped by the Surfside IV show to say hi to friends, but came home pretty early because we were all dirty and exhausted!

Already planning our next adventure. I was telling the girls about this place I used to go when I was a kid called Fossil Creek, but that may be too rugged for a group of girls, haha. We are going to scout out some options and start going on adventures as often as we can. My friend from England messaged me today when I said I want to plan another adventure and invited me to South America in early 2010. I'm seriously debating saying YESSS and going for it. I do love me some international travel. I've never done South america.

Anyway, my other topic of the day is how much media can influence people (yeah, me). There is that line from.... I think it's "High Fidelity" where he says "are we sad because we listen to pop music? or do we listen to pop music because we are sad?'
Man, what a question. I know for myself, my moods can be very easily changed my music, literature, or cinema. Last night I came home just happy as a clam (the only down part of the whole day was everyone bitching about their crappy sex lives with ex's, and me realizing how much I loved mine, hahahaha) and settled into bed for the night around 1am. I turn on my TV to find something to fall asleep to and The Holiday was coming on. I end up watching the whole thing and it's like an emotional roller coaster. First, I'm really sad because of all the heart ache different characters are going through, I mean I can totally relate, so I was bummed out. Then it ends on a really great note of everyone finding their true loves.... which made me really happy they found love, but bummed I'm in bed alone at the same time, haha.
Same thing goes with this great book I finished this morning, I get really bummed out when bad things happened for the protagonist, especially since I related to well to her, but then I am feeling great that she got everything she wanted and all was ok.
Music is even worse. When I'm having a crappy day I can blast some party favorites, clean my house, and forget all about whatever crap was bugging me! But I can also feel really blue for no apparent reason after listening to sad love songs..... which sucks, because I love sad love songs, but hate that I get cranky!

Well, I need to shower and get out of here..... gonna go hang with my favorite short people in Cave Creek tonight.

Oh yeah, I also got a new job. It's not exactly what I'm looking for, so I'm going to kind of continue my search, but this will at least be something to occupy my time and make some money in the mean time.

In the Navy....

This is my new favorite song.


I'm not even kidding. Becca and I started our dance party off with this gem!

I don't really have anything fun to talk about today. I chatted with my love twin, Gina Kelly for a while this morning. She is so wonderful, for advice, a shoulder, and a friend. I should go visit her. She told me to never feel guilty for doing something I'm ok with. I told her about my friends pressuring me to never speak to certain people.... and how I feel really guilty about speaking to these people. Gina says I'll get over things in my own way, and as long as I know what I'm doing there is no harm done. Thats a way better way to handle things than "you're a bad person if you talk to so-and-so." Right?

Gina and I are alike in SOOO many ways when it comes to dating and love, but I found a major difference today. She just broke up with her crazy boyfriend, and he left the country. She says the distance gives her the clarity to see things as they really are. I'm the exact opposite, I get sick of people when they are around all the time, but the second they are gone I can only remember the best times I had with them. When I look back at all my relationships I remember the good times. I love laughing at the little inside jokes we had, the trips we took, the holidays we shared, the friends we loved. Of course I keep in mind things weren't perfect, or we'd still be together..... I just think it's happier to remember the good. I'm a romantic, what can I say?

So my momma is talking about me heading out to Texas. I really didn't like Texas last time I was there. I mean, it's ok..... but it's not home. I don't think I'll agree to it, but, it's an option for my next step in life I guess. Meh.


Oh yeah, I've been having SUPER crazy dreams again. Dreams that could be made into award winning horror movies. Blood, guts, gore, death, suspense... I've got it all. My non-horrifying dream last night was bizarre. My best childhood friend Cheryl was in phoenix visiting me. We were at some sort of park, that was attached to these small studio apartment-type homes where bands are practicing and we are all just hanging out in random rooms Later we were discussing the fact we needed to get up to Flagstaff to see the one spot we knew had snow all year. I'm not sure if we were in Flagstaff or Phoenix but we were by a small river that was flooding due to some big recent storms..... and all of the sudden we saw a baby floating down the rapids, crying (the baby is black, I don't know if that means anything). We both jump in to save the baby and are swept down river. We take turns holding the baby above the water, and I come to the conclusion it is sick. I'm not sure how I knew, but I just did? We eventually end up at her mothers house (in Texas) and bring the baby inside with us. I go to wash my hands for fear of contracting whatever disease this baby has, and Cheryl's mom starts sanitizing everything, while Cheryl is convinced the baby is fine. We get the baby cleaned up and Cheryl's mom cut all it's hair off for some reason? Flash to the next day and we are at a pool party with the baby, like we adopted it as our own? It's totally bizarre, yeah? hahaha. I'm so weird.