It's an ex thing

Just what is it about ex's???

Lately I feel like I'm totally bombarded with ex talk, text, mail, and sightings. I don't have THAT many ex's (ok, I've dated my fair share, but not that many are true ex's).... and this city/world is big enough I shouldn't be having these constant reminders of the past. I don't really have any ex's that I have a terrible relationship with, in fact I'm friends with a lot of them.... so this shouldn't be taking such a toll on me.

What is it about the sniff of a familiar cologne, snippet of a familiar voice, or glimpse of a familiar face that can reduce a mature, self reliant young woman into a scared little girl yearning for the past?

I should be HAPPY when I see my ex's doing well, and for the most part I am. A few of them are in serious long-term happy relationships, or they graduated and started a great career, or they are traveling around the world for the pursuit of self discovery... and thats amazing, and I'm happy for them. But on a weird core level I keep finding myself wondering "what if?" I guess it's normal to wonder what your life would be like if you were still with a person that made you happy, and you had a great life with.

It's the ex's that things didn't end well with I'm more concerned about missing. I was just cleaning out my closet and in the bottom of an old box I found my ex's sweater. He was a terrible boyfriend, and I was so glad to see him go... I never really mourned the loss of our relationship, so maybe thats why the familiar feel of his sweater lead to me wrap myself up in it and just sit on the sofa thinking about the past. Why should I have these feelings for someone who was no good for me??

This happens more and more lately. I have a couple ex's that I consider friends, or acquaintances at the very least.... and running into them out at the bar, or grocery store, or even seeing their name in my inbox spirals me into thinking about the past and wondering if things could ever be different.

Maybe the fact I've been single (relatively) for a few months now I'm finally surfacing feelings that have needed to come out for a while. I typically do not mourn the loss of boys, I just move on to the next. I don't really feel the need to mourn them though, they weren't good, I got rid of them, end of story.... or is it? Being single gives me a whole new perspective on things I guess. The world is different without love.

Eh, or maybe I just need to get laid. Who knows.