So, here I am again. I'm going to say goodbye to my old blog, after a long 5 year run. I can't believe how much I've grown, looking back. I'm almost embarrassed at some of the stunts I've pulled, people I've loved, and fights I've been in over the years. But, these trials made me who I am, and I freakin' love the person I am right now. Not that I couldn't use a little self improvement, but I'm a good person, with a good heart, and thankfully a good head on my shoulders that is going to lead me to a successful and full life.
I know a lot of you have been here through the thick and thin, and although I haven't blogged in about a year now, I know some of you who used to read the blog are still friends with me, and will hopefully read this one.
So, some quotes I've pulled from and old blog, and even a post or two seems proper. A tribute to my past, and a toast to my future.
I wrote this 3 years ago, it's amazing to read now.
"Sunday, October 10, 2004
the fork in the road...
Current mood: hopeful
I'm at a fork in the road. I'm in my second year of college, I've had 8 majors. And I still can't decide what I want to focus on. I've realized why, I'm stuck in a split life, and I torn on which way to go. I've lead two lives.
Sometimes I'm a stuck up little bitch. I hang out on the boat, wearing my gucci shades, with my dolce wrap, talking about everyone new boobs and noses. I sit in clubs in LA and NYC drinking 25 dollar martinis, acting better than other people. And I don't especially like that person. But that person is my brothers, my dad, my aunts and uncles. That's the person I wanted to be for so long, I aspired to be like them.
My other life is much less exciting. I hang out with fellow artists. I wear tee shirts and jeans, and feel comfortable. I spend hours in the dark room, getting dirty. I sip on a 2 dollar cup of coffee at a little cafe'. I talk about peoples art, and who is going to headline at the next art show. I go to the bar to talk to people, not about people. I don't have everything at my fingertips, and it doesn't bother me. i'm happy when I'm that person. I'm fulfilled and I don't feel judged by my peers. I feel better inside and out.
For years I've been dating guys way too old for me, because they had already become what I wanted to be. They owned businesses, were lawyers, owned mortgage firms, world travelers. They had the benz and rover in the garage, the house 5 times bigger than they needed, and hated everyone who made less then them. And that was fun, but it wasn't me. To those guys, I was just a novelty item.
Like sara said, "in the end... crap can't hold your hand when you're sick. and your shiny new car - won't sleep wtih you at night and...your Dolce wrap .... won't be nice to you when you've had a bad day" I realize now, no matter how much I have done and seen
. No matter how much life experience I think I have. Some things just come with age. That hump everyone goes over at about 25, no matter how much I wish I was over that hump, I'm not. i'm not self reliant yet, I haven't settled into something I want to do, I haven't graduated college. I still have so much to learn, and even if I hate it, I'm still just a kid.
I have not evolved to what I'm going to be. I have so much more than so many people, and I need to be more grateful for that. I have good friends, good school, good family, I'm smart, and Im headed in the right direction. So I stand here at this fork... my choice determines the rest of my life. I can be unhappy with all the material things in the world. Or I can be happy doing what I love. So I may not live up to all the expectations that have been put on me, I may not have the Louie and Doonies I want, but hopefully I'll find someone who can love me for what I become. "
""Speech may sometimes do harm; but so may silence, and a worse harm at that. No insult ever caused so deep a wound as a tenderness expected and withheld; and no spoken indiscretion was ever so bitterly regretted as the word that one did not speak."
No comments:
Post a Comment