Choices and forgiveness

You choose where to be.
You choose how to act.
You choose what to say.
You choose what to do.
You choose whom to be with.
You choose what to concentrate on.
You choose what to believe.
You choose when to go along.
You choose when to resist.
You choose whom to trust.
You choose whom to avoid.
You choose what behaviors to emit in reaction to what stimuli.
You choose what to say to others about:
Self
Others
Risks
Needs
Rights.



"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." ~Ben Franklin

So Amy is the self-help book queen. She has more self-help books than the rest of my friends all together. I think it's great. I have a few friends I just wish I could some to, but would probably be offended, haha. I own two myself! "They call it a breakup because its broken" which did me absolutely no good after breaking up with Doug, and my grandpa bought me "10 Things Women do to Screw up Their Lives" which I think is an amazing book!! That being said I picked up one of Amy's self help books this morning (driving her to the airport at 6:30 really messed up my sleep!) and read a chapter. It's titled "There Is Power In Forgiveness" and it hit close to home. I have a few people in my life I'm angry with. I felt I was done wrong, and I hold a certain hostility inside for either feeling like I was wronged in the first place, or for feeling like they aren't the least bit sorry.

Hate, anger, and resentment are known to be some of the strongest and most self-destructive of emotions. Hatred can be comforting, it feels like a curse on the target (who hurt you).... but holding those emotions inside of you can literally change who you are. If people carry around these nasty emotions their bodies are in a a constant state of heterostasis, which this book describes as "a condition of physiological imbalance." The book continues to explain that holding all of this negative energy inside of you can alter your physical state to the point of sleep disturbances, nightmares, poor concentration, fatigue, headaches, back pain, and even ulcers and heart attacks. Whether or not there is any scientific data to support this I'm not sure, but just try and recall how thinking about something that hurts (mentally) can often elicit real physical responses. Have you ever felt sick to your stomach over something that you did, or something that was done to you that you keep thinking of? If just thinking about these unpleasant things can evoke such a powerful reaction, imagine what carrying around a deep seated anger or hatred can do to someone's body.

Almost worse than the physical effects carrying around negative emotions, is the spill-over of them into the rest of your life. It's hard to keep such strong emotions focused on one person or aspect of your life, so they run over into other aspects of your life whether you want them to or not. All of your thoughts and feelings are carried over into all your relationships, and to think you can turn your feelings/emotions on and off like a light switch is just naive. Bitterness and hatred are such strong emotions that they actually become a part of who you are and present themselves in every facet of your life. The person you used to be is transformed into this person with all ugliness inside them. The sad thing about this is that the people who truly love and care about you are left with a bitter shell of the great person you once were. This book states that "there is no reality, only perception- and yours is altered by these ugly things." The book continues to explain that the people who carry around this type of burden do so because they feel they have some unfinished emotional business with somebody, somewhere: whoever is the target of all that negative emotion. Forgiveness must come from inside your heart, and not expect anything in return. As hard as it may be to forgive someone who doesn't agree they did you harm, or isn't even aware you feel that way may feel impossible, but surely it is not. There are some really awful people in this world who will never regret or admit doing really terrible things to people , so if you're waiting for an apology you may have to live your entire life with that hostility inside. What to consider then is that you create your own experience (as I listed above). Only you can choose how you feel, and only you can choose to come to terms with your past demons and start to heal. Choosing to forgive is one of the most powerful things a person can experience. You take that power away from the person who wronged you and put it back in your own hands. They will no longer own those emotions and your heart, you will start to claim it for yourself once again. The moment you decided to forgive is one of the most freeing moments you will experience. That's the point you turn it all around. You and your loved ones have to live with you every day, not that person from your past you're holding on to, so it's better to get rid of that dark cloud for the sake of everyone!

"By forgiving you, I am releasing me, not you."