"It’s surprising that some of these perfect ladies fall for troubled, disturbed and sometimes even neurotic guys. It is a phenomenon I call “savior complex”. Beyond the seemingly perfect facade is a heart that yearns to cure, to witness the miracle of change brought by one’s own doing.
It may also be the mother instinct that lives inside women in general. A well-meaning girl opens her heart to the troubled guy in question, patiently listens to his woes, decides that there’s hope for that person… and ends up rooting for him to change and be better. And inevitably, falling in love and investing a chunk of their emotions.
Change. It is very gratifying to think that another person would want to change just because you requested it. But the fact is, he will not completely transform his life for you. He might say it, but he won’t do it. He’s comfortably ok with your attention, his ego is full with your mothering and adoration. Why should he go through the trouble of re-inventing himself, when his faults and “imperfections” seem to be what attracted you in the first place?
This leads to bitching, frustrations and rants. You want to leave him, give up and run away… but can’t. Why? Because the wily bad boy has already got anchors and chains all over your marshmallow heart."
Wow, way to describe my last 4 relationships, haha.
I had a great talk with a good friend last night (in the midst of trying to party with the new neighbors.... they look like the Black Eyed Peas!) and realized I was cranky yesterday because I know I'm going to miss the perks of a relationship, not the person I was in the relationship with. Let's face it, I've been involved with guys that have a way better sense of music, style, art, politics, and worldly travel. So why was I moody over a guy I didn't care for in the past few weeks anyway? Well, it's the same reason I typically jump from one relationship to the next..... I get bored and want company. It's a totally crappy reason to be in a relationship, but I guess I rather be stuck with a crappy relationship than show up to parties alone.
I've done some thinking in the last few days and I think I'm going to give Dean another shot. (If youre reading this Dean... screw you for being nosy hahahaha!) Dean was there the entire time I was dating this last guy, telling me what a tool he was. Dean is smart, funny, charming, good looking, educated, good family values, and has a great sense of style. What else could I need? I love his mom, I love his friends, my family loves him.... shit, he already survived Christmas with my family and came back for more, hahaha.... that says a lot about him! He took Eva and Ethan to the light parade with me and let Ethan sit on his shoulders for most of the parade even though his back hurt.... that shows selflessness, right? The only issue I've ever had (and why I never really dated him) is that he drinks too much. amy thinks if we are all hanging out and doing fun stuff he wont want/need to drink so much. I guess we'll see....... Im not committing to anything for now. His sister is in town for a volleyball tournament so we are going to go watch her play on Friday, then go to the Rocketz and Faraway boys show afterward. It should be a fun night, and maybe it'll help me see what I want. One can only hope.
Also, I've been doing some job research in NC. Old Faithful is flying back there from Hawaii today.... and then it seems I'll have some choices to make. I'm hesitant to make any choices while still pissy over my last relationship. The lies just keep unfolding now that I'm away from the situation, and quite frankly I'm peeved. "The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love in indifference." Best advice I've ever gotten. Until I'm indifferent to my ex I don't want to make any choices about my future. Too many times I've made bad choices just to spite an ex, or to dull the pain of a breakup...... but not this time. This time I'm thinking things through. I don't think it will take long to move on, as I think about all the deception, the lies, the manipulation..... it makes me ready to wash my hands of any emotions I may still have for him. He is a liar, a cheater, a fucking sociopath.... nothing I need around. He is setting himself up for a very miserable life..... I'll pray for him.... it's really sad.
I want to thank all my friends for being so supportive...... sorry I went MIA for a little while..... i'm back now!!! oxoxoxoxoxox
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