Staying put....

Two blogs in one day, I need a hobby. I got some new books today at Barnes..... and fun stuff at Target....as long as I'm going to refuse the house I need to be entertained, haha. I ran into John Schmidt at Target.... that guy always has puts a smile on my face!! He said I look amazing for someone nursing a mid-life crisis, haha. I needed that! I decided not to fly to NC tonight. A lot of my friends said I should go.... but it just didn't feel right. If it's meant to be, it'll happen when I'm ready. I have a wedding, show I promised I'd be at, brides maid dress fittings, job hunting, Deans birthday party, porn to look at with Jeremy (wink), and family stuff all within the next 5 days...... so, thats my reason. I'm giving myself two more days of hanging around the house (aside from going to Freedom tomorrow and picking Amy up, and dinner plans), then it's back to being busy and social. I never knew how great just hanging around the house could be.... I'm actually getting a lot done, most of it in my head though, haha. I've been writing a lot too.... not only on here, but working on a short story, some poetry, and other little snipits of my mind as well.

Here is a little sample of the stuff I've been writing... most of it has been kind of dark.... and kinda creepy. I'm weird? haha. It's a rough draft... but you get the idea.


I.
I remember you in mid summer,
your form content with nothing
but the window pane. I asked
for your complete honesty
and got a crooked smile in return.

I asked myself to forgive you that night
and thought about living the present
moment instead of entangled
ourselves in each other. Entwined
in the chime of a clock over our night

sky. I wanted nothing more than
to follow your independence
everywhere. We were woven
in that quilt, each thread
a reminder of our bedroom dances.

But when I return to my
blue light world, looking
around in confusion, discovering
you no longer there I realized
the clock was going backwards.

II.
I don't remember what you told me
that night but the look on your face
played over and over in my mind. I walked
down those cathedral stairs in search
of you. I find myself doing this

more and more each day. I dreamed
last night of us meeting there one day
and going to the park for
a picnic. So I've become obsessed
with the thought of you now that

you're gone. Somehow satisfying my need
for the lack of drama in my life.
I prayed to the gods for sanity
and they gave me confusion.
so I ran through the rain last week

and came home just to look at my
mascara stained face, to watch as
the droplets of rain rolled down my
cheeks only to leave a stain
of black on the countertop.

Curled up against the mirror
I focused on my lashes that
were wet and separated
just like you and I.